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Cristina W's avatar

Wowza, where to start. First of all, thanks for documenting your hike. It’s silly that I didn’t even know that type of beauty existed and now it’s on my bucket list. Second of all (I hate I started the list with this, as I always forget to notate my points halfway through and still don’t quite understand the formal language when you get mid list. Seventh of all? Seems weird.) Anywho. I really enjoyed your perspective of being someone who is obsessed with remembering things. I’ve never thought of it like that, but I’m quite the opposite. I prefer to forget most things. There are whole times in my young life I literally don’t remember happened. I’m sure it’s coping mechanism that could be worked out in therapy, but I think it contributes to how much I love starting over. I love moving (not packing). I love renting so I can pick up and do whatever I want really. I love purging. My closet, my pantry, things I own (not my face thank god). I love finishing a tv series even if I don’t like it cause I’m done and now I’ve got the anticipation of a new series. I also prefer to feel my nostalgia than remember it. I’m very into music. I can put a song and feel a very nostalgic feeling but it doesn’t often come as a crisp memory, but a fuzzy feeling that washes over my brain as if you just gave me an IV drip of serotonin. When I say dream, I do so in more of blurry shapes and feelings of something new, something different. The pandemic been a real mental exercise for me. I can’t get out of the cycle of... “feeling for the future” and I’m just exhausted. I wish I could be more present in the present.

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Kat O's avatar

You know nostalgia was once thought to be such a dysfunctional emotion that it was considered an actual disorder. One from which I suffer constantly, it would seem - I'm nostalgic for EVERYTHING, even things I've never personally experienced, even the present moment; I completely understand your sense of loss even before something has actually ended. The worst is when you try to recreate something later on, trying to recapture that feeling by going through the same motions, but it's never ever the same.

Related: have you ever heard the term solastalgia? It's essentially a feeling of nostalgia for a place you never left, but the place itself has changed. I'm actually from Denver (now in upstate NY) and I felt solastalgia HARD as the hordes started moving to Denver years ago and everything became expensive, overcrowded, different (it's actually a little painful to read about you - or anyone - being in Denver because I miss it so much). Favorite restaurants closed and areas gentrified and tech bros clogged the bars and mountain trails became like a circus. I know it's a little ridiculous for me to be so angry about it, because change is inevitable and people are free to move as they please but...god I miss the city and the mountains they way they used to be. I felt solastalgia so deeply I literally couldn't be there anymore. Of course, now I'm just nostalgic for it in a different way....what was my point again? Anyway, you should look it up.

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