#218: FIND A FRIEND!

My third annual find-a-friend newsletter

Apr 20, 2025

Good morning!

I’m so excited about today’s newsletter because it was actually written by my subscribers.

In January of 2023, my editor Mallory Rice wrote about making friends in a new city amid the so-called “friend recession” (what a term). At the end of her essay, I invited people to shout out where they lived in case they wanted to find some like-minded people to hang out with, and I was shocked when 1,762 comments poured in. Last April, after hearing people lament missing out on the first one, I decided to reboot the find-a-friend comment section, and even more people commented the second time. Today marks one year since that newsletter, and I’ve decided to make this an annual thing.

To kick off round three, 10 of my subscribers have written about a friendship (or group of friends) they’ve made through the past two newsletters, and gave me permission to share the stories here. These dispatches—from two friends who wrote me love letters about each other to a book club that helped one member through a divorce—were so touching I actually wept while reading my email (rare).

I’m honored to have played a small role in kicking off these friendships, but mostly just in awe of the effort you’ve all put in to nurture these connections into something bigger. I admire you so much! For anyone looking for a deeper sense of community, I hope these stories remind you that with a little gumption, you can find friends anywhere.

A new book club in DC and a meetup in…Marseille?!

“Back at the beginning of 2023 when Mallory’s friendship recession guest newsletter went out, I was among the first commenters to call out DC, then two other eager readers followed and we set a friend date for the very next day. Years later, I consider them (and three other girls they introduced us to) my closest, dearest, truest friends.

With the revival of the now famous friends newsletter last year, grateful that I was able to make such great friends the first time around, I took the initiative to organize a larger MB meetup. The result was a huge success, and a bunch of us now meet monthly for a book club.

If that weren’t enough, when I was planning a solo trip to Marseille last spring, I thought to check out the comments section for anyone who might live there, and I lucked out! During my week I met with Robin twice. It made my trip immensely better! This all fills my heart with so much joy, and I’m so happy to tell you about it. Thank you for creating a place that brings so many beautiful people together!”

Meg
Washington DC

Photo sent by book club initiator Molly: “We have read *Doppelganger*, *Rejection* (wild), *All About Love*, *Expecting Better*, and *North Woods*. We are meeting in a couple of weeks to discuss Join or Die. Thank you for helping create this community! We have a group chat now and have hung out together outside of the book club, too. When I reflected on 2024, creating this group [the Maybe Baby Bookies] was the thing I was most proud of. Thank you!!!!”

Moving to a new place, fearing it was a huge mistake, realizing it wasn’t

“About a year and a half ago I moved to a new town where I knew absolutely nobody. Feeling very lonely and isolated, I spent most of my weekends visiting friends who live about two hours away. This was lovely, but also made me feel like I wasn't really living where I am now.

Around the same time I decided I needed to make a real effort to establish roots here, you put out a call for people to comment if they were interested in meeting up. A big group of Maybe Baby-heads met up for a picnic, which was very fun! The group dwindled with each subsequent meetup, but three of us have become good friends since then. I feel kind of silly putting into words what I love about being friends with them, because it sounds so generic, but I guess that's because friendship is so universal? I love having people I can meet up with to do activities and attend shows with, but especially love that we'll often just chat for a few hours about things serious and frivolous. These are the first friends I've made not through school, and it has been very cool to get to know people who feel like they are fully formed in their identities and who, despite this, are willing to make space for me in their lives.

I'm really grateful for Maybe Baby for bringing us together! Not only have they felt like a lifeline at a time when I was feeling like I'd made a huge mistake moving here, but they are such cool, thoughtful, and interesting people, and I'm really lucky to be friends with them!”

Jennifer
Philadelphia, PA

From clicking instantly at a picnic (as one does) to taking weekly walks

“My dear friend Hannah and I met via a Maybe Baby meet-up a few years ago in San Diego. I moved here from Chicago and only knew other transplants from Illinois and New York, so my intention was to get out of my comfort zone and mingle with strangers. I did not expect to instantly click with the girl seated next to me! We now go for weekly walks, we lend each other books, we play music together, we give feedback and encouragement on creative projects, we’ve even edited each other’s Substacks…truly a top-tier friendship, one that I didn’t expect to make as an adult. So grateful! Thanks for the introduction <3”

Stefania
San Diego, CA

Stefania’s photo of Hannah <3 Link to Stefania’s and Hannah’s Substacks if you’re curious!

From bonding about Love Island to shedding menstrual tears at an album release

“Emma and I both commented on the friend recession newsletter back in January 2023 and met in person at the meetup in Crown Heights. If I remember, we had both been watching Love Island UK and connected over similar music and podcast interests (Seek Treatment being a big one). We ended up exchanging contact info and have been hanging out ever since! We've been to tons of comedy and music shows together, I've been on her boyfriend's boat, and she's been to my semi-sloppy birthday and Halloween parties. It's been lovely having a friend who shares similar arts/cultural interests because I didn't have that in a close friend before we met. It helps that we have similar ways of living and viewing the world, too! Recently, I went to her album release show where I crieddddd maybe because it was the eve of my period or maybe because it was so cool to watch my newest friend do something HUGE and I was proud of her!!! Anyway, thanks for bringing us together <3”

Olivia
Brooklyn, NY

A book club that helped her through a divorce and set up her AC unit (both huge)

“I moved to Seattle for work and I made a concerted effort to make friends. I tried to get to know my neighbors and coworkers, I was on many friendship apps. At the time, I had a seven-month-old baby, was in a terrible relationship, and was super lonely. I missed my hometown/family/friends every day.

The women in our ‘Babies Who Read’ book club have been a godsend and I cannot believe how lucky I am to have met such incredibly HIGH quality people. Wow. We owe you a huge thank you for connecting us. A few of them in particular have been literal heroes to me. Today I’m a single mom to my three-year-old daughter. I have felt so supported, held, and loved by the Maybe Baby women I’ve grown so close to. They’ve helped me in so many ways major and minor…moving out of my ex’s house, chasing my toddler around parks, crowdsourcing ideas for a work project, setting up an A/C unit, etc.

It’s been such a game changer to have these inspiring, gorgeous, hilarious, enriching women in my life. I think you should know what an amazing ‘good human’ vetting tool your newsletter subscription is. You clearly attract people who mirror your own thoughtful, kind, and honest spirit. Thanks for creating so much goodness in the world Haley.” [ed note: crying]

Monica
Seattle, WA

Photo sent by Corina, the organizer of the book club: “We have about 55 people in the WhatsApp group chat for the book club and about ~20 people who attend regularly. We've even started some branding and named ourselves ‘Babies Who Read’. We read a variety of books (Memoir, Non-Fiction, Fiction, Historical Non-Fiction, Fun Summer Reads, etc.) and a lot of us hang out outside of the book club and have become really close friends! We're all so, so thankful for you and Maybe Baby.”

Two friends that sent me love letters about each other

“Another subscriber had commented on one of your friend-focused newsletters and said that she was new to DC and looking for friends. I saw that someone else (Amanda!) had responded and that I was seeing the thread late. I was not explicitly in a friend-seeking stage of my life—I've been in DC for a long time and have different friend groups from different life stages and generally feel pretty ‘full.’ However, I still felt a great deal of FOMO that anyone would be hanging out without me, within 30 miles of me, so I commented (also out of character! I identify as a lurker!) and we all met up.

When I met Amanda, it was, honestly, love at first sight. We both made our new friendship a quick and resilient priority and now, even though we live an hour apart, we keep in steady, loving touch and weave the other into our daily life in whatever way possible. Our friendship runs the gamut of goofy to sincere and we share both mundane and life-altering updates with each other constantly. Whenever I have something new, my partner says, ‘Did you show Amanda?’

Amanda is incredibly thoughtful and offers her wisdom and opinion gently and kindly. She lets people be whoever they are in that moment and moves through the world softly. In contrast, I feel like I crash through the world: shouting across rooms, knocking things over, showering myself in whatever I'm drinking, and generally moving hurriedly and without care. Amanda, while being the opposite of this in her grace and soft movements, lets me rampage happily and without any judgement. We have so, so much fun together and I am immensely grateful to have her friendship and to us, for nurturing it. And to your comments section for bringing us together!”

Monda
Washington DC

“Monda and I have both moved and now live about one (excruciating) hour away from one another, but still make time to see each other regularly. I text her more often than my mom, and it is the light of my entire day when our lunchtimes align for a phone call. Her friendship has made me feel seen and cared for in ways that I so often find myself wanting in other relationships. She has bolstered my confidence, made life more silly and fun, thinks and talks through alllllll of the sticky life things with me, and most importantly, also thinks that my cat is perfect. I’m currently in the midst of leaving my job of seven years, and there is no doubt in my mind that I both wouldn’t have lasted as long, and wouldn’t have come up with the guts to finally quit, without her in my corner.

She is tenacious and creative, so, so funny and thoughtful. She’s a beautiful social butterfly who knows how to talk to anyone about anything. Life is so much better and brighter with her in it! I can’t believe we’ve only known each other a few years! I loooooove her, love her, love her and our friendship, and am infinitely grateful for the kooky set of circumstances that led to it, and also am grateful to us for nourishing it years later!”

Amanda
Washington DC

A monthly cookbook club (ed note: this is a great idea)

“There is a group of eight of us who have had a Cookbook Club dinner every month since last July! The club formed after newsletter #177: New friends, where we went from comment section to Discord server. Luckily there was a planner among us—Madeline got a group organized from the Discord and hosted the first dinner. Each month, we pick a cookbook author, everyone makes a different recipe of theirs, and we all have dinner.

It was notable how immediately easy it felt to hang out with this group! We are all women, roughly early thirties, mostly living near Somerville/Cambridge MA. We talk about cooking, your newsletter, politics, books, trash tv, relationships, ‘normal gossip,’ and career stuff. We have a group chat and have started meeting up outside our cookbook club dinners. It is always a little awkward to explain how we met, but I would recommend meeting friends in the comment section to anyone! Grateful to you (and Mallory) for bringing us together.”

Annie
Somerville/Cambridge, MA

Lastly, some find-a-friend best practices

As always, shout out where you live and what you’re looking for! If you’re part of a large group from a former find-a-friend newsletter and are open to new members, feel free to share the info (say, a WhatsApp group, Discord server, or email thread). You can also start fresh if an old group’s gone a bit dormant (totally understandable with groups of this size). And if you’d prefer something more intimate, you’re welcome to share more about yourself and even include contact info or links, in order to connect with just a few people. Up to you! Just do a quick search to see if your city’s already been mentioned before you add yours. It’s nice when specific locations are kept to one thread.

Maybe Baby