Enjoyed this! Thank you ❤️ another perspective on the yoga teacher’s instructions: that they withdraw identification with self altogether. So it’s not pointing our attention to another aspect of self (the body/mind/spirit triad is actually a western idea inherited from Christian theology, re father/son/Holy Spirit!) but rather suggesting that what remains after body/mind is simply awareness, the universal field, no-self… in Hindu philosophy it would be closer to sakshi, purusha or atman; or in Buddhism the witness consciousness or emptiness. A worthwhile rabbithole to go down if you feel like it..!
Yes I love this! You’re right I bet that’s what she meant. (To clarify I wasn’t meaning to ascribe mind/body/spirit specifically to Hinduism but moreso the idea of pondering existence outside of the physical form)
thank you for writing about MN so much this week ❤️ I’m in Mpls and feel kind of crazy about the fact that very few people on my radar who live out of state are talking about the occupation (and community response) with the intensity it deserves
The man being arrested in the photo is actually a prominent hip-hop artist from Minneapolis/St. Paul called Nur-D! I coincidentally also went to high school with him and can confirm he is truly the best of us! Check out his music: https://nurdrocks.com/
I’m interested in continued thoughts on gender and parenting given some of the discussion last year regarding raising boys vs girls, thoughts on having more children and whether you think about it more as what you want as the parents vs owing your existing children siblings, also raising kids in the city specifically, and what your favorite activities are to do with 2 year olds!
A question for the council of toddler parents: A thing that I constantly want to hear is this: what do you do with your kid or how to you spend time that is genuinely enjoyable or at least mutually peaceful to both of you?
I know I definitely don’t want to be a parent chronically sucked into my phone around my kid because I’m actively distracting myself from what we’re supposedly doing, but I also don’t particularly feel it’s appropriate for my entire life to revolve around being an entertainer for my child. Because mine goes to daycare, my time spent with him is “my leisure time”. I don’t think it’s appropriate to eschew my responsibilities as his parent because I need rest or entertainment, but how do other people walk the tightrope of keeping a tiny mind engaged and connected while still feeling like a real person and not just a walking sacrifice?
This is hard but I have found it myself, in fleeting moments. I recently invented the game “balloon-tula” where we hit balloons around the house with spatulas. My kid found simple pleasure in hitting things, and I found genuine enjoyment in inventing rules for this game and getting some playful movement in. Admittedly not something I’d do without my kid, but it felt… for lack of a better word… **spiritutally** different than making fun FOR my kid; I was having fun WITH him.
What do other folks do with their kids that sparks joy and/or contentment on BOTH sides?
I have an almost two-year old and on the weekends we often go on long walks, get breakfast somewhere, walk around local gardens, and lotttts of meetups with friends who have kids. I hate just sitting in the house playing after more than like an hour.
I love this question and I hate playing! My son is now a little older (six) and good at entertaining himself. When he was younger, sometimes I'd set up something to do (play doh, painting, a little scene on his playhouse, lined up his cars, half built something with magna tiles) and told him I was going to play with him for x amount of time (say, twenty minutes, or fifteen even) and he'd have to come up with something after that. After that, I'd just say something like "can't play now, i'm reading!" or whatever. Now that I write it it kinda sounds cruel and insane lol but it worked pretty well for us!
Things that we have done throughout the years *together* and we've both enjoyed: outings (in good weather only, i hate the winter), reading out loud, baking (this is a big one for us, nothing like the joy of a toddler successfully cracking an egg!). I'm not crafty but I know other people enjoy that...
No easy answer though. Some people love babies, some people love toddlers, and I've accepted that neither of those stages were my time to shine and I am much much better at hanging out with an older child. Maybe your times of having fun WITH him are also ahead of you.
That last sentence I needed to hear thank you! Sometimes I find joy playing with him, and love him so damn much in general, but already with his limited skills connection through conversation feels SO much better to me than connecting through play. Thanks for the grace here!
Playdough and drawing/coloring are things I find genuinely fun and relaxing to do with my son after a long work day. We call it "table time" and we'll sit down at our dining room table to do an activity together or sometimes "work" side by side (he plays with playdough while I do a crossword for example).
I read somewhere once that even 5-10 minutes of "special time" a day is enough to create secure bonds with your child and try to keep that in mind on days when I'm feeling burdened by the need to entertain my son.
I follow this woman on instagram - Jerrica Sannes. She is a too hard core for me, but she frequently emphasizes that play is the child's work. That adults should not be entertaining their kids. You can provide the tools for their imagination, but that it is ok to let them be bored and figure it out, that that is where the magic of play and childhood is unlocked. It has really freed me from feeling like I need to play with my kids, because it is not something I enjoy. I also don't want to be on my phone around them, so I typically read or do chores near where they are playing, so I am present for it all, but also doing my own thing. My 5 year old has a much harder time playing independently than my 3 year old and I think it is because of this shift in our parenting. We still have plenty of closeness and affection.
My three-year-old is finally starting to get the idea of hide & seek and I'm a little embarrassed to admit that hiding while someone tries to find you is still, at age 41, kind of thrilling. The one-year-old gets into the spirit even if he doesn't quite understand the game. Balloon games have also been a hit and I agree with Joanna on play-doh. My husband will play little kid board games with our older son but for me that is absolute torture. In nicer weather, family bike rides (cargo bike) and walks also meet this need.
To pull the two threads together: how has motherhood changed your spirit? That is, how is motherhood affecting the parts of you that resist logic, the intangible parts? If/where does this fight with the practical parts of you that motherhood is also activating regularly? Does motherhood feel comfortable to you (yet), at the spiritual level?
Also Harling’s transition to 2! And how the other two fams are leaning in the 1v2 debate.
Toddler appetites? My husband told me he read that toddler nutritional needs cycle on a weekly basis versus a daily basis as we would typically think. This was relieving, but also how do y’all keep perspective in the face of toddlers’ borderline disordered eating?
I can’t wait for your next kid-gossip podcast! I’ve got a newly-2-year-old so on a similar experience timeline, and in general I’m feeling like I’m doing a pretty good job with basic mothering requirements, but struggling with some of the bigger-picture issues I didn’t have the bandwidth to grapple with during the first 18 months or so. Would be very interested to hear your POVs on topics like:
- Do you really feel like ~motherhood~ is your top priority?
- Now that I’m a mom (still feels weird to say), I viscerally feel how unfair the whole system is for women in general. Raising humans is a full-time job! Without us, the human species would perish! It’s on our shoulders to raise good world citizens! And yet we’re also supposed to work full-time and stay fit and take care of our own aging parents… I’m tired just thinking about all of the unpaid societal responsibilities we’ve taken on that didn’t exist for us BC (before children, duh). Does this… also enrage you? How do you get through it?
- Genuinely, how do you find energy to care about work at all?
Yes to discussing all the unpaid work!! I have such a rage about the unfairness round expectations of women which I didn't appreciate until having my own children and having to always fight to try and find a path which felt slightly fairer (although still has far to go).
My brother and SIL are parents to an almost two-year-old and a 5-month-old. They live in NYC, and I’m in SF. Aside from visiting as often as I can, what are some ways I can still support them/my nieces and be a good aunt from afar?
How lovely to contemplate the intangible. Was it Ghandi who said, "Live as if you are going to die tomorrow, but learn as if you are going to live forever"? As if there is some indestructible part of us that goes on long after we have slipped the body of this world.
If so, what would we take with us? What could we take with us? I suppose we could take our education and our love. In that light I continually push in the advancement of understanding as a lifelong learner and experiencer and I take the opportunity to show the people I love that I care.
So I agree with you as far as Spirit, rather than being some delicate and diaphanous thing, that it might be part the enduring framework of creation experiencing itself and how grand that we get to experience it individually and collectively. Spirit can be relied upon to get us through joy as well as difficulty, and perhaps even beyond.
Constant companion, true self, guide, and mystery- helping one discern in the external hall of mirrors 'reality' of a created narrative that isn't always honest. I endeavor to cultivate my own relationship with Spirit because (as mentioned) you can become the person you want to spend your life with and perhaps even after that; to become closer to expressing what you are in Truth.
Shifting from "how are you?" to "how is your spirit?" made me think about the Catholic mass which made a similar transition about a decade ago. There's a call and response the throughout the mass where the priest says "the Lord be with you" and the congregation responds. When I grew up going to Catholic school the response was always "and also with you," but it's now "and also with your spirit." I go to church very infrequently now as I am not very religious, but whenever I do I end up spending a good chunk of the mass mulling over this change. Why did they make it? How does such a large organization decide on those types of changes to something considered sacred to so many? Who makes that decision and how long did they take to make it? Why does it sound so stodgy to me?? If I went to mass more frequently would I be used to it by now or do all the devout still stumble over the awkward phrase like I do? Apparently the spirit translation is more consistent with the original text and is theologically distinct (the you or the priest is different than the Holy Spirit working through the priest). It's a shift from the more informal you that was adopted when the mass was translated into the language of the people, but consistent with non-English translations. Thought you might find this interesting!
Excited for toddler gossip! I’ve gained so much wisdom from past conversations with you three - thanks for continuing to share with us. As a mom of a 20-month-er, I have really been struggling to feel satisfied with my “village”. I have a broad social circle but many of my friends don’t have kids yet and I feel guilty always bringing my kid to primarily adult get togethers. I want her to have other kids to play with (I always envision parents chatting while dozens of children run around us, giggling and keeping each other entertained lol a true dream). I am trying to deepen friendships with new mom friends but it requires so much effort, which is especially hard in this era when my energy reserves are scarce. How do each of you describe your village? Who are the most important villagers? What do you do to foster a community that brings joy to you and your children (and even partners)?
Also really enjoyed this! For the pod, I'm sure you were going to cover this but definitely would love to hear what you find to be enjoyable and what you find hard about this stage.
Would love to hear any and all thoughts on having an only child v. second child v. more than two.
When did you guys introduce screens to your kids?
Are there any lingering or new imbalances with parenting with your partners, and if so, how are you handling it?
For long term parenting issues: do you guys think at all about privilege - either having too much or too little? I have a 9 month old and somehow find myself thinking a lot about how privilege can help/hurt a young person and how much is or is not in your control.
Excited for this podcast ep tomorrow!!! Very intrigued to hear your thoughts on what has worked for y'all in terms of achieving equity between partners during parenthood. What was especially helpful for your partners to learn/do at the beginning? How has that evolved as your kiddos have gotten older? Any resources you found worthwhile?
I would love to hear discussions about raising kids near grandparents vs not. I’m not sure if any of you have parents nearby, but my friends who have kids and live near their parents rely on the help so much and it seems to make the entire experience easier.
Question: i'm curious about the experience the three of you have with preschools. How was it for your kids to get used to it, how often they attend preschool and/or other educational activities, how is the communication you have with teachers there? Thanks :)
Enjoyed this! Thank you ❤️ another perspective on the yoga teacher’s instructions: that they withdraw identification with self altogether. So it’s not pointing our attention to another aspect of self (the body/mind/spirit triad is actually a western idea inherited from Christian theology, re father/son/Holy Spirit!) but rather suggesting that what remains after body/mind is simply awareness, the universal field, no-self… in Hindu philosophy it would be closer to sakshi, purusha or atman; or in Buddhism the witness consciousness or emptiness. A worthwhile rabbithole to go down if you feel like it..!
Yes I love this! You’re right I bet that’s what she meant. (To clarify I wasn’t meaning to ascribe mind/body/spirit specifically to Hinduism but moreso the idea of pondering existence outside of the physical form)
thank you for writing about MN so much this week ❤️ I’m in Mpls and feel kind of crazy about the fact that very few people on my radar who live out of state are talking about the occupation (and community response) with the intensity it deserves
The man being arrested in the photo is actually a prominent hip-hop artist from Minneapolis/St. Paul called Nur-D! I coincidentally also went to high school with him and can confirm he is truly the best of us! Check out his music: https://nurdrocks.com/
All My Friends Are So Hot by Nur-D is an anthem in my house lol https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cUG2SI9AK68
I’m interested in continued thoughts on gender and parenting given some of the discussion last year regarding raising boys vs girls, thoughts on having more children and whether you think about it more as what you want as the parents vs owing your existing children siblings, also raising kids in the city specifically, and what your favorite activities are to do with 2 year olds!
A question for the council of toddler parents: A thing that I constantly want to hear is this: what do you do with your kid or how to you spend time that is genuinely enjoyable or at least mutually peaceful to both of you?
I know I definitely don’t want to be a parent chronically sucked into my phone around my kid because I’m actively distracting myself from what we’re supposedly doing, but I also don’t particularly feel it’s appropriate for my entire life to revolve around being an entertainer for my child. Because mine goes to daycare, my time spent with him is “my leisure time”. I don’t think it’s appropriate to eschew my responsibilities as his parent because I need rest or entertainment, but how do other people walk the tightrope of keeping a tiny mind engaged and connected while still feeling like a real person and not just a walking sacrifice?
This is hard but I have found it myself, in fleeting moments. I recently invented the game “balloon-tula” where we hit balloons around the house with spatulas. My kid found simple pleasure in hitting things, and I found genuine enjoyment in inventing rules for this game and getting some playful movement in. Admittedly not something I’d do without my kid, but it felt… for lack of a better word… **spiritutally** different than making fun FOR my kid; I was having fun WITH him.
What do other folks do with their kids that sparks joy and/or contentment on BOTH sides?
I have an almost two-year old and on the weekends we often go on long walks, get breakfast somewhere, walk around local gardens, and lotttts of meetups with friends who have kids. I hate just sitting in the house playing after more than like an hour.
I love this question and I hate playing! My son is now a little older (six) and good at entertaining himself. When he was younger, sometimes I'd set up something to do (play doh, painting, a little scene on his playhouse, lined up his cars, half built something with magna tiles) and told him I was going to play with him for x amount of time (say, twenty minutes, or fifteen even) and he'd have to come up with something after that. After that, I'd just say something like "can't play now, i'm reading!" or whatever. Now that I write it it kinda sounds cruel and insane lol but it worked pretty well for us!
Things that we have done throughout the years *together* and we've both enjoyed: outings (in good weather only, i hate the winter), reading out loud, baking (this is a big one for us, nothing like the joy of a toddler successfully cracking an egg!). I'm not crafty but I know other people enjoy that...
No easy answer though. Some people love babies, some people love toddlers, and I've accepted that neither of those stages were my time to shine and I am much much better at hanging out with an older child. Maybe your times of having fun WITH him are also ahead of you.
That last sentence I needed to hear thank you! Sometimes I find joy playing with him, and love him so damn much in general, but already with his limited skills connection through conversation feels SO much better to me than connecting through play. Thanks for the grace here!
Playdough and drawing/coloring are things I find genuinely fun and relaxing to do with my son after a long work day. We call it "table time" and we'll sit down at our dining room table to do an activity together or sometimes "work" side by side (he plays with playdough while I do a crossword for example).
I read somewhere once that even 5-10 minutes of "special time" a day is enough to create secure bonds with your child and try to keep that in mind on days when I'm feeling burdened by the need to entertain my son.
I don’t know where you read that but I’m totally happy to accept it as gospel truth haha! Thank you for the ideas!
Found it!
https://www.npr.org/2022/10/13/1128737199/the-5-minute-daily-playtime-ritual-that-can-get-your-kids-to-listen-better
I follow this woman on instagram - Jerrica Sannes. She is a too hard core for me, but she frequently emphasizes that play is the child's work. That adults should not be entertaining their kids. You can provide the tools for their imagination, but that it is ok to let them be bored and figure it out, that that is where the magic of play and childhood is unlocked. It has really freed me from feeling like I need to play with my kids, because it is not something I enjoy. I also don't want to be on my phone around them, so I typically read or do chores near where they are playing, so I am present for it all, but also doing my own thing. My 5 year old has a much harder time playing independently than my 3 year old and I think it is because of this shift in our parenting. We still have plenty of closeness and affection.
My three-year-old is finally starting to get the idea of hide & seek and I'm a little embarrassed to admit that hiding while someone tries to find you is still, at age 41, kind of thrilling. The one-year-old gets into the spirit even if he doesn't quite understand the game. Balloon games have also been a hit and I agree with Joanna on play-doh. My husband will play little kid board games with our older son but for me that is absolute torture. In nicer weather, family bike rides (cargo bike) and walks also meet this need.
Bikes! Yes! I impulsively bought a cargo bike last fall and car wholeheartedly say it’s fun for me and for the kiddo!
To pull the two threads together: how has motherhood changed your spirit? That is, how is motherhood affecting the parts of you that resist logic, the intangible parts? If/where does this fight with the practical parts of you that motherhood is also activating regularly? Does motherhood feel comfortable to you (yet), at the spiritual level?
Potty training!!…??!!
Also Harling’s transition to 2! And how the other two fams are leaning in the 1v2 debate.
Toddler appetites? My husband told me he read that toddler nutritional needs cycle on a weekly basis versus a daily basis as we would typically think. This was relieving, but also how do y’all keep perspective in the face of toddlers’ borderline disordered eating?
I can’t wait for your next kid-gossip podcast! I’ve got a newly-2-year-old so on a similar experience timeline, and in general I’m feeling like I’m doing a pretty good job with basic mothering requirements, but struggling with some of the bigger-picture issues I didn’t have the bandwidth to grapple with during the first 18 months or so. Would be very interested to hear your POVs on topics like:
- Do you really feel like ~motherhood~ is your top priority?
- Now that I’m a mom (still feels weird to say), I viscerally feel how unfair the whole system is for women in general. Raising humans is a full-time job! Without us, the human species would perish! It’s on our shoulders to raise good world citizens! And yet we’re also supposed to work full-time and stay fit and take care of our own aging parents… I’m tired just thinking about all of the unpaid societal responsibilities we’ve taken on that didn’t exist for us BC (before children, duh). Does this… also enrage you? How do you get through it?
- Genuinely, how do you find energy to care about work at all?
Can’t wait to listen to the ep!
Yes to discussing all the unpaid work!! I have such a rage about the unfairness round expectations of women which I didn't appreciate until having my own children and having to always fight to try and find a path which felt slightly fairer (although still has far to go).
A question I have:
My brother and SIL are parents to an almost two-year-old and a 5-month-old. They live in NYC, and I’m in SF. Aside from visiting as often as I can, what are some ways I can still support them/my nieces and be a good aunt from afar?
How lovely to contemplate the intangible. Was it Ghandi who said, "Live as if you are going to die tomorrow, but learn as if you are going to live forever"? As if there is some indestructible part of us that goes on long after we have slipped the body of this world.
If so, what would we take with us? What could we take with us? I suppose we could take our education and our love. In that light I continually push in the advancement of understanding as a lifelong learner and experiencer and I take the opportunity to show the people I love that I care.
So I agree with you as far as Spirit, rather than being some delicate and diaphanous thing, that it might be part the enduring framework of creation experiencing itself and how grand that we get to experience it individually and collectively. Spirit can be relied upon to get us through joy as well as difficulty, and perhaps even beyond.
Constant companion, true self, guide, and mystery- helping one discern in the external hall of mirrors 'reality' of a created narrative that isn't always honest. I endeavor to cultivate my own relationship with Spirit because (as mentioned) you can become the person you want to spend your life with and perhaps even after that; to become closer to expressing what you are in Truth.
Shifting from "how are you?" to "how is your spirit?" made me think about the Catholic mass which made a similar transition about a decade ago. There's a call and response the throughout the mass where the priest says "the Lord be with you" and the congregation responds. When I grew up going to Catholic school the response was always "and also with you," but it's now "and also with your spirit." I go to church very infrequently now as I am not very religious, but whenever I do I end up spending a good chunk of the mass mulling over this change. Why did they make it? How does such a large organization decide on those types of changes to something considered sacred to so many? Who makes that decision and how long did they take to make it? Why does it sound so stodgy to me?? If I went to mass more frequently would I be used to it by now or do all the devout still stumble over the awkward phrase like I do? Apparently the spirit translation is more consistent with the original text and is theologically distinct (the you or the priest is different than the Holy Spirit working through the priest). It's a shift from the more informal you that was adopted when the mass was translated into the language of the people, but consistent with non-English translations. Thought you might find this interesting!
Are you living inside my brain lol, this has been my exact experience to a T!
Excited for toddler gossip! I’ve gained so much wisdom from past conversations with you three - thanks for continuing to share with us. As a mom of a 20-month-er, I have really been struggling to feel satisfied with my “village”. I have a broad social circle but many of my friends don’t have kids yet and I feel guilty always bringing my kid to primarily adult get togethers. I want her to have other kids to play with (I always envision parents chatting while dozens of children run around us, giggling and keeping each other entertained lol a true dream). I am trying to deepen friendships with new mom friends but it requires so much effort, which is especially hard in this era when my energy reserves are scarce. How do each of you describe your village? Who are the most important villagers? What do you do to foster a community that brings joy to you and your children (and even partners)?
Also really enjoyed this! For the pod, I'm sure you were going to cover this but definitely would love to hear what you find to be enjoyable and what you find hard about this stage.
Would love to hear any and all thoughts on having an only child v. second child v. more than two.
When did you guys introduce screens to your kids?
Are there any lingering or new imbalances with parenting with your partners, and if so, how are you handling it?
For long term parenting issues: do you guys think at all about privilege - either having too much or too little? I have a 9 month old and somehow find myself thinking a lot about how privilege can help/hurt a young person and how much is or is not in your control.
Thank you in advance!!!
Excited for this podcast ep tomorrow!!! Very intrigued to hear your thoughts on what has worked for y'all in terms of achieving equity between partners during parenthood. What was especially helpful for your partners to learn/do at the beginning? How has that evolved as your kiddos have gotten older? Any resources you found worthwhile?
I would love to hear discussions about raising kids near grandparents vs not. I’m not sure if any of you have parents nearby, but my friends who have kids and live near their parents rely on the help so much and it seems to make the entire experience easier.
I would love to hear about this!!
Question: i'm curious about the experience the three of you have with preschools. How was it for your kids to get used to it, how often they attend preschool and/or other educational activities, how is the communication you have with teachers there? Thanks :)