I’ve got a lot of thoughts on the boob job question but I would ask the questioner- why do you have to eliminate ALL of your insecurities? I personally don’t think it’s possible, and I think it’s one of the lies told by choice feminism/girlboss feminism - another version of “having it all” is “total confidence.” I think it’s another impossible standard. And this is one of the insecurities that is completely mandated by the patriarchy - being big chested isn’t more inherently “womanly” without the male gaze. Danny said the questioner can still be a good role model to young women which is true in a sense but she will NOT be a good example of a small chested woman which is exactly what she needed to see when she was younger. (If everyone who’s self conscious of their small boobs gets a boob job then all girls with small boobs will think there’s something wrong with them and “unwomanly”) Basically I would say consider why you need to be totally free of insecurities to be happy or live a fulfilling life?
Agreed re: impossible to eliminate all of your insecurities. In my experience, the moment I "take care" of one, another pops up.
I noticed that after a few years of getting botox on my forehead, suddenly my crowsfeet were starting to bug me. Take care of those, but wait, I never noticed the lines around my lips before! Take care of those, suddenly I need filler in my chin/jawline (+ have a frozen face!). Have my lips always been this thin?! Once I was contemplating filler, I knew I needed to stop it all cold turkey. And guess what? My forehead wrinkles still bug me, but I don't even notice any of the other things that used to bug me anymore!
does anyone here remember the 30 rock storyline where liz lemon dates don draper and because he's so handsome he doesn't know he's a bad kisser, cook, tennis player and doctor???
Similar to the question asker, on the spectrum of my rack, I fall close to ironing board. Of course I’ve always wanted bigger boobs! I endured similiar longing throughout middle and high school where I prayed, made deals with God, endured hurtful comments from boys I wanted to impress etc. etc. But now the same age as the question asker, the boobs never arrived, and I feel pretty at peace with it. Sure, if I was designing a Sim of myself, I’d make them larger, and of course I’m sometimes disappointed when I find clothing I like that doesn’t fit my body right, but her question really made me stop and ask myself why I don’t feel the same pull. It made me realize that actually, I attribute my current comfort with my body to the fact that my mom is built really similar. Our body types are cut from the same cloth and she’s the same level of ultra flat-chested. Growing up, it’s not like she pretended she didn’t sometimes wish she had bigger boobs, but it was really a non-issue. She loved her body for what it was, and I attribute my current attitude to the fact that she role-modeled self acceptance. Sometimes I think the ‘younger generation’ or ‘solidarity with the movement’ isn’t an abstract thing, it’s very real people in your life who see you and it in turn helps normalize themselves. My mom‘s unabashed self acceptance is what drove me to have my own. I’m not sure if the question asker wants children or has family members who look the same, but just something to consider. I think that if my mom had a boob job, I would probably feel very differently about the features of hers that I share.
I think, “how would my hypothetical daughter feel about herself if I had had a boob job” is a good thought experiment even if you know you never want children. It can help you have more kindness for your body when you imagine it belonging to someone you love rather than to yourself.
I love this. Read a similar take on instagram re: nose jobs, which is something I've always thought about but didn't get because what if my daughter has my nose? I will love her features no matter what, but what would she think knowing I had her nose and changed it?
Also, my mom got a boob job and never told me until I found out very recently (I'm 32 lol) so I literally always thought I'd have bigger boobs like her, then when they didn't arrive, that something was wrong with me? Was I nutritionally deficient? lmao
THEN when I got bigger boobs through pregnancy and breastfeeding it was fun to experience something different without making a permanent change. And it made me happy I'd never gotten the boob job bc clothes fit differently and I was used to/liked the way they looked on me more flat chested. Anyway, love this topic, and your comment. Thank you!
me when new dear danny: whooping and hollering and waving a handkerchief over my head like those old black and white videos of crowds watching ships depart
ok least funny reason for rabies shot is most likely (esp. this time of year) bat flew into the house/apartment! often a precautionary measure to get a rabies shot after getting them out. i feel this explanation is (lmao) more likely than being bitten by a raccoon.
also am i evil? why is everyone being so understanding of Japan Trip's bf? dump him girl have a great solo vacation!!
Although this totally takes away from the "meet-cute-with rabies" joke, maybe she was planning on traveling to a place that recommends the rabies shots series, like Nepal. In that case, invite him along!
Regarding the boob job question, I feel like it’s worth mentioning that getting one involves major surgery and a lot of health risks. It’s an industry that profits off our insecurities and does so in the most brutal way, cutting you open and inserting foreign objects into your body. Many women report implant sickness after, due to their body rejecting them. You also have to get them redone after about 10 years.
When insecurities and thoughts about altering my body arise I try to remind myself that «I might hate my body, but I hate the beauty industry more». The fact that we would maybe not even have these insecurities hadn’t it been for this multi billion dollar industry fuels my rage even more. There is nothing wrong with the natural states of our bodies and I would argue that cosmetic plastic surgery is in fact bodily mutilation.
I live in Germany, and people here are pretty relaxed when it comes to nudity. Having been exposed to more «normal» naked bodies (for example by going to the sauna) has made me more comfortable and relaxed in my own body. I don’t extend my insecurities to others. Choosing to exist in my body and not trying to change it all the time is freeing and empowering! (even though it can be hard at times)
agree with all of this, but also want to put out there that you could go through all this health risk, pain, and cost etc and still end up with a chest that you're not happy with. personally i would focus my energy on challenging the notion that flat chests are not womanly, sexy, beautiful or whatever it is. if they were not, then again, like Haley said, why would virtually every model be?
I absolutely love solo travelling (and I'm in my thirties). I have the best time by myself and it allows me to recharge. Everyone is different! I hope the listener has great time in Japan (I'm so jealous). I always message my boyfriend in the morning to say hi and and in the evening to say I'm safe in the hotel, then maybe an occasional call to tell him about my day and ask about his. :) I think solo travel can be transformative (and a source of confidence) without being hard, although I understand what you mean. I'm really affected by what people around me think or feel so being alone really helps me to sort of reconnect with myself and realize what I miss or need in my life. In a long term relationship, I also think it's nice to miss each other sometimes :)
Also came here to say that solo travel is extremely YMMV (for more reddit slang lol). It doesn’t have to be really hard for you to get something out of it - but what you want and gain from it is very personality dependent and you won’t discover that until you do it
omg i had a similar experience to the tennis stealing boyfriend when i was in college!!! i was into backgammon (still am; perfectly cruel game) and made my bf start playing with me and he got OBSESSED. like reading opening theory books and also he got really good really quick. and when we’d play he’d get sooo serious and like not talk during the game and it would drive me insane bc i am also competitive and i felt like he was making it not fun by not being able to enjoy sharing it!!!!! it’s literally just a game. one time i got so mad i chucked a FULL big gulp on the floor down the hallway bc he wouldn’t talk to me and also he was winning….(?)? major low point in my life. anyway all love to him!!!!
Literally only 4 minutes in but I feel obligated to be extremely lame and report: strength training really does help prevent running injuries! I’m a mediocre but committed runner and I get overuse injuries every time I try to ramp up mileage. 10-15 minutes of hip strength exercises a few times a week goes a long way, lol.
Circling back to say Mangelina Jolie is a Dear Danny all-timer and I am so obsessed with that questioner. Why are you whispering, girl! Was he literally in the room?!
Also manifesting a run of Maybe Baby/Dear Danny merch sometime 🙏🙏🙏
Haley and Danny I’m curious if you guys are both extroverts because I was surprised by your advice that solo travel isn’t that great. Just curious because I think extroverts seriously misjudge the introvert’s love of being alone, lol.
Re: being close together at a two top!!! I was at a perfect lovely tiny little cocktail bar and was so close to the other table that the bartender brought us all a little shot of champagne since “we were all family now” and the other couple proceeded to fight/cry/potentially break up for the rest of drinks……………
Editing to clarify that this was of course a perfect experience and we thoroughly listened in (much love to them hope they’re well)
Same hahah. My husband has been a hardcore long distance runner since high school and when I tried to get into jogging, he recommended Brooks. They are def on par with like Hoka/Asics (actually better imo - get that spon!)
Also @danny you need new shoes every 300-500 miles. But if you don’t track, get a new pair when your joints or shins start feeling slightly achier (this is closer to 300 the older I get 🥲)
That was my take too! I previously worked with (mostly women) who were in or trying to leave relationships in which they were experiencing intimate partner violence (physical, emotional, financial.) Abusive partners’ actions start subtly and often under the guise of “caring” or “worrying” and typically grow from there. I’d urge the questioner to look at the “power and control” wheel online! I felt worried listening to that question.
I’ve got a lot of thoughts on the boob job question but I would ask the questioner- why do you have to eliminate ALL of your insecurities? I personally don’t think it’s possible, and I think it’s one of the lies told by choice feminism/girlboss feminism - another version of “having it all” is “total confidence.” I think it’s another impossible standard. And this is one of the insecurities that is completely mandated by the patriarchy - being big chested isn’t more inherently “womanly” without the male gaze. Danny said the questioner can still be a good role model to young women which is true in a sense but she will NOT be a good example of a small chested woman which is exactly what she needed to see when she was younger. (If everyone who’s self conscious of their small boobs gets a boob job then all girls with small boobs will think there’s something wrong with them and “unwomanly”) Basically I would say consider why you need to be totally free of insecurities to be happy or live a fulfilling life?
Agreed re: impossible to eliminate all of your insecurities. In my experience, the moment I "take care" of one, another pops up.
I noticed that after a few years of getting botox on my forehead, suddenly my crowsfeet were starting to bug me. Take care of those, but wait, I never noticed the lines around my lips before! Take care of those, suddenly I need filler in my chin/jawline (+ have a frozen face!). Have my lips always been this thin?! Once I was contemplating filler, I knew I needed to stop it all cold turkey. And guess what? My forehead wrinkles still bug me, but I don't even notice any of the other things that used to bug me anymore!
Ugh I’m sorry you were stuck in that cycle! I’m glad you were able to identify it and step away from it, that’s hard to do ❤️❤️❤️
Also - idk if you listened to today’s podcast but they talk about this cycle a little bit!
Love this take!!
Thank you!
sorry Mom, I want LONGER intro’s. Tell me more about why there’s 8 holes in a Ritz cracker, Baby!
does anyone here remember the 30 rock storyline where liz lemon dates don draper and because he's so handsome he doesn't know he's a bad kisser, cook, tennis player and doctor???
I was thinking of that the whole time they were talking lol the bubble!
Me too! All I could think about!!!
I was thinking of this the whole time too lolllll
One of my favourite episodes ever!! My husband & I reference it all the time 😆
Similar to the question asker, on the spectrum of my rack, I fall close to ironing board. Of course I’ve always wanted bigger boobs! I endured similiar longing throughout middle and high school where I prayed, made deals with God, endured hurtful comments from boys I wanted to impress etc. etc. But now the same age as the question asker, the boobs never arrived, and I feel pretty at peace with it. Sure, if I was designing a Sim of myself, I’d make them larger, and of course I’m sometimes disappointed when I find clothing I like that doesn’t fit my body right, but her question really made me stop and ask myself why I don’t feel the same pull. It made me realize that actually, I attribute my current comfort with my body to the fact that my mom is built really similar. Our body types are cut from the same cloth and she’s the same level of ultra flat-chested. Growing up, it’s not like she pretended she didn’t sometimes wish she had bigger boobs, but it was really a non-issue. She loved her body for what it was, and I attribute my current attitude to the fact that she role-modeled self acceptance. Sometimes I think the ‘younger generation’ or ‘solidarity with the movement’ isn’t an abstract thing, it’s very real people in your life who see you and it in turn helps normalize themselves. My mom‘s unabashed self acceptance is what drove me to have my own. I’m not sure if the question asker wants children or has family members who look the same, but just something to consider. I think that if my mom had a boob job, I would probably feel very differently about the features of hers that I share.
Conversely, my small chested mom got a boob job when I was a kid and it really fucked me up!
I think, “how would my hypothetical daughter feel about herself if I had had a boob job” is a good thought experiment even if you know you never want children. It can help you have more kindness for your body when you imagine it belonging to someone you love rather than to yourself.
I love this. Read a similar take on instagram re: nose jobs, which is something I've always thought about but didn't get because what if my daughter has my nose? I will love her features no matter what, but what would she think knowing I had her nose and changed it?
Also, my mom got a boob job and never told me until I found out very recently (I'm 32 lol) so I literally always thought I'd have bigger boobs like her, then when they didn't arrive, that something was wrong with me? Was I nutritionally deficient? lmao
THEN when I got bigger boobs through pregnancy and breastfeeding it was fun to experience something different without making a permanent change. And it made me happy I'd never gotten the boob job bc clothes fit differently and I was used to/liked the way they looked on me more flat chested. Anyway, love this topic, and your comment. Thank you!
me when new dear danny: whooping and hollering and waving a handkerchief over my head like those old black and white videos of crowds watching ships depart
also obsessed w the ep’s photo, of which i have zero context for and am nonetheless intrigued
Came here to say this
I’m so excited for you guys
ok least funny reason for rabies shot is most likely (esp. this time of year) bat flew into the house/apartment! often a precautionary measure to get a rabies shot after getting them out. i feel this explanation is (lmao) more likely than being bitten by a raccoon.
also am i evil? why is everyone being so understanding of Japan Trip's bf? dump him girl have a great solo vacation!!
Yes! hourly check ins are SUCH a red flag.
This is how I got a round of rabies shots
Although this totally takes away from the "meet-cute-with rabies" joke, maybe she was planning on traveling to a place that recommends the rabies shots series, like Nepal. In that case, invite him along!
Regarding the boob job question, I feel like it’s worth mentioning that getting one involves major surgery and a lot of health risks. It’s an industry that profits off our insecurities and does so in the most brutal way, cutting you open and inserting foreign objects into your body. Many women report implant sickness after, due to their body rejecting them. You also have to get them redone after about 10 years.
When insecurities and thoughts about altering my body arise I try to remind myself that «I might hate my body, but I hate the beauty industry more». The fact that we would maybe not even have these insecurities hadn’t it been for this multi billion dollar industry fuels my rage even more. There is nothing wrong with the natural states of our bodies and I would argue that cosmetic plastic surgery is in fact bodily mutilation.
I live in Germany, and people here are pretty relaxed when it comes to nudity. Having been exposed to more «normal» naked bodies (for example by going to the sauna) has made me more comfortable and relaxed in my own body. I don’t extend my insecurities to others. Choosing to exist in my body and not trying to change it all the time is freeing and empowering! (even though it can be hard at times)
agree with all of this, but also want to put out there that you could go through all this health risk, pain, and cost etc and still end up with a chest that you're not happy with. personally i would focus my energy on challenging the notion that flat chests are not womanly, sexy, beautiful or whatever it is. if they were not, then again, like Haley said, why would virtually every model be?
Loveeee, adding 'I might hate my body, but I hate the beauty industry more' to my mantras. thannk you
I absolutely love solo travelling (and I'm in my thirties). I have the best time by myself and it allows me to recharge. Everyone is different! I hope the listener has great time in Japan (I'm so jealous). I always message my boyfriend in the morning to say hi and and in the evening to say I'm safe in the hotel, then maybe an occasional call to tell him about my day and ask about his. :) I think solo travel can be transformative (and a source of confidence) without being hard, although I understand what you mean. I'm really affected by what people around me think or feel so being alone really helps me to sort of reconnect with myself and realize what I miss or need in my life. In a long term relationship, I also think it's nice to miss each other sometimes :)
Also came here to say that solo travel is extremely YMMV (for more reddit slang lol). It doesn’t have to be really hard for you to get something out of it - but what you want and gain from it is very personality dependent and you won’t discover that until you do it
And also ofc the bf’s request is insane. Sounds very controlling and infantilising
omg i had a similar experience to the tennis stealing boyfriend when i was in college!!! i was into backgammon (still am; perfectly cruel game) and made my bf start playing with me and he got OBSESSED. like reading opening theory books and also he got really good really quick. and when we’d play he’d get sooo serious and like not talk during the game and it would drive me insane bc i am also competitive and i felt like he was making it not fun by not being able to enjoy sharing it!!!!! it’s literally just a game. one time i got so mad i chucked a FULL big gulp on the floor down the hallway bc he wouldn’t talk to me and also he was winning….(?)? major low point in my life. anyway all love to him!!!!
I am crying laughing at this lololol and also relate so hard
OBSESSED with this story omg the image of you throwing the full big gulp……i’m stunned
Literally only 4 minutes in but I feel obligated to be extremely lame and report: strength training really does help prevent running injuries! I’m a mediocre but committed runner and I get overuse injuries every time I try to ramp up mileage. 10-15 minutes of hip strength exercises a few times a week goes a long way, lol.
Circling back to say Mangelina Jolie is a Dear Danny all-timer and I am so obsessed with that questioner. Why are you whispering, girl! Was he literally in the room?!
Also manifesting a run of Maybe Baby/Dear Danny merch sometime 🙏🙏🙏
WE NEED MERCH!!!
Thank you for letting us listen to that entire voicemail about MANgelina Jolie
"Usually I date kind of fugly men" she is so real for that!
it's so good
I need you to do "where are they now" follow ups on some of these, starting with this woman. I have to know if she confronted Mangelina haha
Haley and Danny I’m curious if you guys are both extroverts because I was surprised by your advice that solo travel isn’t that great. Just curious because I think extroverts seriously misjudge the introvert’s love of being alone, lol.
Re: being close together at a two top!!! I was at a perfect lovely tiny little cocktail bar and was so close to the other table that the bartender brought us all a little shot of champagne since “we were all family now” and the other couple proceeded to fight/cry/potentially break up for the rest of drinks……………
Editing to clarify that this was of course a perfect experience and we thoroughly listened in (much love to them hope they’re well)
horrifying/sublime
unfortunately this is my dream even after absolutely being the couple breaking up at a bar !!
Random comment but Brooks running shoes are great!
Lol I wanted to say the same thing, I feel like they’re one of the most reputable / popular brands out there!
I did laugh at them not knowing Brooks. I'm not a runner but isn't that like, one of the 3 main running shoe brands??? love ya guys
Same hahah. My husband has been a hardcore long distance runner since high school and when I tried to get into jogging, he recommended Brooks. They are def on par with like Hoka/Asics (actually better imo - get that spon!)
1000x better than hoka, that was blasphemy to me
My go-to for 15 years of running!!! Only legacy running brand I love
Also @danny you need new shoes every 300-500 miles. But if you don’t track, get a new pair when your joints or shins start feeling slightly achier (this is closer to 300 the older I get 🥲)
The hourly updates boyfriend sounds like a coercive control relationship. She’s too young to be tied down to such an insecure controlling man! Run!
That was my take too! I previously worked with (mostly women) who were in or trying to leave relationships in which they were experiencing intimate partner violence (physical, emotional, financial.) Abusive partners’ actions start subtly and often under the guise of “caring” or “worrying” and typically grow from there. I’d urge the questioner to look at the “power and control” wheel online! I felt worried listening to that question.
danny saying "you're sending ME out first!?" about the boobs question made me lolll