This week I’m taking a slightly different approach to the newsletter. My original essay idea essentially failed to launch, and I realized, after trying over and over to save it, that I’m just feeling a little emotionally tender about everything, and the internet exposure week after week is making me feel a bit vulnerable.
I've noticed comments on your instagram can get pretty brutal so it must be hard to make yourself vulnerable like this once a week.
Though if it helps, from an outside perspective, a lot of those comments aren't fair and barely come across in good faith. But I can appreciate they'd be hard to disregard and probably would play on your mind. The internet tends to treat women as quarrelsome teenage daughters to be scolded, until it starts treating them as reactionary grandmas.
It's also tough to go from writing as a representative of an organisation or your place of work, to just writing as a representative of yourself. You're doing great though, and these newsletters are genuinely enjoyable and thought-provoking. I always remember I have something to look forward to on Sundays, even if I forget what it is until the email hits my inbox.
Just a quick note to chime in and say so many of us love your writing so much Haley. I appreciate that you make yourself vulnerable for us, but remember to take a break if you need to! We can always go back and re-read the newsletters that bring such warmth to all our Sunday’s. Take care, you’re very appreciated!
Haley--thank you for your newsletter!! I loved the list-format... cried at the Frida quote... found the look inside your notes app extremely fascinating... laughed at the rice krispie story... please keep writing every week, even just about mundane/simple things because I feel like they are very grounding right now. Have always loved your writing through the years at Man Repeller!! Thanks for writing this newsletter it is becoming one of the highlights of my week!!
Do you follow Eric Holthaus? He's written a lot about solastalgia in relation to climate change, but also more recently 'liminal spaces.' Here's an excerpt from his new book, "The Future Earth: A Radical Vision for What's Possible in the Age of Warming:"
“Throughout the next decade, we will experience both creative imagination and creative destruction, which is likely to produce a deep and abiding sense of civilizational anxiety. Certain times and certain spaces make us feel uneasy by their very nature: dark empty stairwells, rest stops along the highway; the aftermath of a break up. these are liminal spaces. If you find yourself spending more than several minutes in a liminal, or transitional, space, your inner lizard brain wants to flee—alarm bells begin to ring, something isn’t right. Because they transcend our normal understanding of how the world is supposed to work, they feel haunted. Liminal spaces are temporary, incomplete, and portentous. They imply possibility to such a degree that it is sometimes literally frightening.
Right now, Earth—the entire planet—is a liminal space. We are starting to learn this fact, that radical change is inevitable, yet we don’t know exactly what it’s going to look like. But this time is also vitally necessary in order for us, as a species, to figure out what we are about to become.”
He goes on to write:
“In the midst of a liminal space, however, anything is possible. “Liminal space is a time of radical uncertainty where the foundational concepts of the way in which we’ve been living, and around which society is organized, no longer makes sense,” Earle told me. “It’s not just that we are unable to make sense of the problems that we are facing. We can’t even conceptualize them. It’s a time almost of being suspended—it has profound existential implications. You still have an imaginary, only it doesn’t work, you don’t have another one in place yet, and everything is up for grabs.”
–– "Intimations" by Zadie Smith, a very slim volume of 6 essays written during the pandemic. All royalties will be donated to charity.
–– "It’s a Tough Time for the Left. But I’m More Optimistic Than Ever," an opinion by organizer and political scientist Thea Riofrancos, published in The New York Times yesterday. SO GOOD.
1- My favorite/go-to journaling prompt when I'm not feeling my best is to make of "Things I like," starting with what is immediately around me, per poet Jacqueline Suskin's advice. http://www.jacquelinesuskin.com/go-ahead-like-it
2- My high school valedictorian gave a listicle as a speech using the 7 core components of our school's mission statement. Very funny and memorable to this day.
3- Every year before my birthday, I make a list of highlights of the past year, and include as many things as the age I was that year (on the eve of turning 22, I made a list of 21 highlights of 21). I've been doing this for a few years now, and always ask my friends to do the same on their birthdays. It's a super fun way to reflect on the year and pull out little things that are worth remembering and cherishing. Would recommend.
4- Lists in my Notes app: Europe packing list ; thank you emails to send ; to write, to text, to post ; Groceries + Food: Pantry, Fridge, Freezer, Need
Can’t emphasise enough how much I’ve been loving this newsletter Haley, and all your recs. I’m not much of a commenter really but I just felt like I had to today! Reading your intro I really felt for you and how vulnerable it must feel to put this out week after week. The personal aspect of your writing is why I love it so much but I can see how it would take its toll sharing so much of yourself to a bunch of online strangers all the time. So this is a little note to say how much I appreciate your writing personally and even if it gets tough I really hope you keep going. But also if you ever need to take a break, that’s okay too! I know I would still pay the same amount for a twice monthly newsletter or however often you feel up to it.
I feel like I’m mincing words now (do you ever feel like all this forced isolation is making you forget how to put words together in a normal way? Lol I do) but virtual hugs to you and hope you’re feeling better soon.
1. 16personalities.com: I am furloughed from my job so I'm in this insanely weird limbo of find new job or continue waiting. I also lost my grandfather from the pandemic and my dad had heart surgery and I was kind of in a high haze for the last couple of months and read only spiritual/philosophical texts and all logic escaped my brain. The 16 personalities quiz solidified that state by giving me the title of "Mediator" which felt kind of like an allowance from the universe to continue living so blind and numb. The reason it's still open? I paid $49 for the deluxe package and refuse to close the tab until I have taken all the quizzes given even if I know now to not allow a personality quiz to have so much control over my life.
2. Gmail.com: I have been doing some much nothing that email is the only thing I do that makes me feel like I am actually doing something?
3. haleynahman.substack.com: Truly a treat I look forward to every week, I read likely 65% of everything what you suggest. Know your opinion is valued!
4. Lrb.co.uk: I have been recommended reading from the London Review of Books so many times, too many times that I would like to get my own subscription, but I cannot for the life of me figure out if I can only subscribe if I live in the UK, which I know cannot possibly be the case in this day and age.
5. Topresume.com: A website to review my resume, which I knew was something I needed to do for a very long time and I suspected the results would tell me all the things I already knew I had to update which was pretty much everything. Resumes are so hard.
6. JCD Resume google document: I have not made any of the suggested edits and will likely not even click this tab until next Tuesday.
7. My Google calendar: I keep this tab open simply because it reminds me that even though I am not doing something right now, I have in the past and I will continue to in the future.
8. Instagram: I deleted it from my phone, but still access it through the Internet so what's even the point?
I enjoyed the listicle today, as I’m sure many others did so I hope that eases the pressure on the ol noggin a bit! I often don’t read your newsletter for a few days because I’m not immediately in the headspace to absorb a long post, or feel my feeling related too honestly.
Also, as a Goodreads user, I actually prefer your Notes method and have been working on a similar system myself. Goodreads is a lot of work! Go to your bookshelf (or not), find the title, mark it as read, star it, review it. I don’t wanna review it I just wanna blurb it so I remember enough to recommend or not recommend! Also, it’s full of “reviewers” reviewing ARC’s, so it’s essentially a bookfluencer platform.
Also also, I just wanna boop your nieces they are so stinking cute!!!
my convoluted rating system for movies and shows I've watched during quarantine:
nothing (hated it, don't recommend, let the silence speak for itself because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings)
check mark (liked it, don't necessarily recommend without elaboration/acknowledge it's a guilty pleasure)
squiggly tilde (worth watching to check out what's out there, likely didn't really like it myself)
asterisk (would recommend/important)
check mark, 2 asterisks (loved it would heartily recommend to anyone as a PSA)
Marvelous Mrs. Maisel was the only one that received a check mark and 1.5 asterisks
and then I rewrote the list and was like, maybe I should circle the ones that gut-reflex stick out to me? but then that would leave out the original Twilight Zone and how it's interesting to see what existential crises people were having in the 60s. Or that Your Name is worth checking out, subbed version? And that Jim and Andy was weird and sad and a good psych case study? Or that Parasite was pretty good? And that The Pianist and Schindler's List destroyed me and yet feel like they possess an importance that transcends "enjoyment" (similar to Grave of the Fireflies)?
In any case, this is what I ended up circling thus far:
I've noticed comments on your instagram can get pretty brutal so it must be hard to make yourself vulnerable like this once a week.
Though if it helps, from an outside perspective, a lot of those comments aren't fair and barely come across in good faith. But I can appreciate they'd be hard to disregard and probably would play on your mind. The internet tends to treat women as quarrelsome teenage daughters to be scolded, until it starts treating them as reactionary grandmas.
It's also tough to go from writing as a representative of an organisation or your place of work, to just writing as a representative of yourself. You're doing great though, and these newsletters are genuinely enjoyable and thought-provoking. I always remember I have something to look forward to on Sundays, even if I forget what it is until the email hits my inbox.
Just a quick note to chime in and say so many of us love your writing so much Haley. I appreciate that you make yourself vulnerable for us, but remember to take a break if you need to! We can always go back and re-read the newsletters that bring such warmth to all our Sunday’s. Take care, you’re very appreciated!
Haley--thank you for your newsletter!! I loved the list-format... cried at the Frida quote... found the look inside your notes app extremely fascinating... laughed at the rice krispie story... please keep writing every week, even just about mundane/simple things because I feel like they are very grounding right now. Have always loved your writing through the years at Man Repeller!! Thanks for writing this newsletter it is becoming one of the highlights of my week!!
Cameron
Do you follow Eric Holthaus? He's written a lot about solastalgia in relation to climate change, but also more recently 'liminal spaces.' Here's an excerpt from his new book, "The Future Earth: A Radical Vision for What's Possible in the Age of Warming:"
“Throughout the next decade, we will experience both creative imagination and creative destruction, which is likely to produce a deep and abiding sense of civilizational anxiety. Certain times and certain spaces make us feel uneasy by their very nature: dark empty stairwells, rest stops along the highway; the aftermath of a break up. these are liminal spaces. If you find yourself spending more than several minutes in a liminal, or transitional, space, your inner lizard brain wants to flee—alarm bells begin to ring, something isn’t right. Because they transcend our normal understanding of how the world is supposed to work, they feel haunted. Liminal spaces are temporary, incomplete, and portentous. They imply possibility to such a degree that it is sometimes literally frightening.
Right now, Earth—the entire planet—is a liminal space. We are starting to learn this fact, that radical change is inevitable, yet we don’t know exactly what it’s going to look like. But this time is also vitally necessary in order for us, as a species, to figure out what we are about to become.”
He goes on to write:
“In the midst of a liminal space, however, anything is possible. “Liminal space is a time of radical uncertainty where the foundational concepts of the way in which we’ve been living, and around which society is organized, no longer makes sense,” Earle told me. “It’s not just that we are unable to make sense of the problems that we are facing. We can’t even conceptualize them. It’s a time almost of being suspended—it has profound existential implications. You still have an imaginary, only it doesn’t work, you don’t have another one in place yet, and everything is up for grabs.”
I cannot recommend this book enough. Holthaus writes with such compassion, his prose are comforting and inspirational. I'd also highly recommend his essay from the beginning of the year, "In 2030, we ended the climate crisis. Here's how" https://thecorrespondent.com/214/in-2030-we-ended-the-climate-emergency-heres-how/28330740746-6b15af77
Other reading:
–– "Intimations" by Zadie Smith, a very slim volume of 6 essays written during the pandemic. All royalties will be donated to charity.
–– "It’s a Tough Time for the Left. But I’m More Optimistic Than Ever," an opinion by organizer and political scientist Thea Riofrancos, published in The New York Times yesterday. SO GOOD.
List of list-related things:
1- My favorite/go-to journaling prompt when I'm not feeling my best is to make of "Things I like," starting with what is immediately around me, per poet Jacqueline Suskin's advice. http://www.jacquelinesuskin.com/go-ahead-like-it
2- My high school valedictorian gave a listicle as a speech using the 7 core components of our school's mission statement. Very funny and memorable to this day.
3- Every year before my birthday, I make a list of highlights of the past year, and include as many things as the age I was that year (on the eve of turning 22, I made a list of 21 highlights of 21). I've been doing this for a few years now, and always ask my friends to do the same on their birthdays. It's a super fun way to reflect on the year and pull out little things that are worth remembering and cherishing. Would recommend.
4- Lists in my Notes app: Europe packing list ; thank you emails to send ; to write, to text, to post ; Groceries + Food: Pantry, Fridge, Freezer, Need
This made me think of all the random things I have in my own notes, and I only have one list of recipes I want to make:
1. Eggless biscotti with hazelnuts and cranberries
2. Blueberry and walnut scones
3. Applesauce and spiced cake
4. Chocolate dunked peanut butter cookies
5. Challah bread mini rolls
6. Two flavor cheesecake
7. Sourdough sesame pretzels
8. Cinnamon spiced donuts
Can’t emphasise enough how much I’ve been loving this newsletter Haley, and all your recs. I’m not much of a commenter really but I just felt like I had to today! Reading your intro I really felt for you and how vulnerable it must feel to put this out week after week. The personal aspect of your writing is why I love it so much but I can see how it would take its toll sharing so much of yourself to a bunch of online strangers all the time. So this is a little note to say how much I appreciate your writing personally and even if it gets tough I really hope you keep going. But also if you ever need to take a break, that’s okay too! I know I would still pay the same amount for a twice monthly newsletter or however often you feel up to it.
I feel like I’m mincing words now (do you ever feel like all this forced isolation is making you forget how to put words together in a normal way? Lol I do) but virtual hugs to you and hope you’re feeling better soon.
I shall leave you with this
https://www.sadanduseless.com/radish-hotness/
A billion years old but I hope it gives you a laugh xx
List of tabs open on Chrome
1. 16personalities.com: I am furloughed from my job so I'm in this insanely weird limbo of find new job or continue waiting. I also lost my grandfather from the pandemic and my dad had heart surgery and I was kind of in a high haze for the last couple of months and read only spiritual/philosophical texts and all logic escaped my brain. The 16 personalities quiz solidified that state by giving me the title of "Mediator" which felt kind of like an allowance from the universe to continue living so blind and numb. The reason it's still open? I paid $49 for the deluxe package and refuse to close the tab until I have taken all the quizzes given even if I know now to not allow a personality quiz to have so much control over my life.
2. Gmail.com: I have been doing some much nothing that email is the only thing I do that makes me feel like I am actually doing something?
3. haleynahman.substack.com: Truly a treat I look forward to every week, I read likely 65% of everything what you suggest. Know your opinion is valued!
4. Lrb.co.uk: I have been recommended reading from the London Review of Books so many times, too many times that I would like to get my own subscription, but I cannot for the life of me figure out if I can only subscribe if I live in the UK, which I know cannot possibly be the case in this day and age.
5. Topresume.com: A website to review my resume, which I knew was something I needed to do for a very long time and I suspected the results would tell me all the things I already knew I had to update which was pretty much everything. Resumes are so hard.
6. JCD Resume google document: I have not made any of the suggested edits and will likely not even click this tab until next Tuesday.
7. My Google calendar: I keep this tab open simply because it reminds me that even though I am not doing something right now, I have in the past and I will continue to in the future.
8. Instagram: I deleted it from my phone, but still access it through the Internet so what's even the point?
I am a Virgo so/and I love lists so I loved this! I would also love more book recs! I have the same shoe shelf but in green, it's so pretty
Haley, you are simply an inspiration!
Frida s quote broke my heart, have always love her passion and her power to be so strong
It would be great to see more of your book recommendations! Love receiving this newsletter every Sunday, it is a joy to read.
Ya did not know you could pin notes thanks for that & still chortling at your rice krispie punishment. <3
I enjoyed the listicle today, as I’m sure many others did so I hope that eases the pressure on the ol noggin a bit! I often don’t read your newsletter for a few days because I’m not immediately in the headspace to absorb a long post, or feel my feeling related too honestly.
Also, as a Goodreads user, I actually prefer your Notes method and have been working on a similar system myself. Goodreads is a lot of work! Go to your bookshelf (or not), find the title, mark it as read, star it, review it. I don’t wanna review it I just wanna blurb it so I remember enough to recommend or not recommend! Also, it’s full of “reviewers” reviewing ARC’s, so it’s essentially a bookfluencer platform.
Also also, I just wanna boop your nieces they are so stinking cute!!!
Hope you have a higher week coming- Cristina
I looove your writing, and I also love lists
Just learned how to pin notes. Amazing. You’ll find your groove again - pandamania has its high and lows, ebbs and flows.
my convoluted rating system for movies and shows I've watched during quarantine:
nothing (hated it, don't recommend, let the silence speak for itself because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings)
check mark (liked it, don't necessarily recommend without elaboration/acknowledge it's a guilty pleasure)
squiggly tilde (worth watching to check out what's out there, likely didn't really like it myself)
asterisk (would recommend/important)
check mark, 2 asterisks (loved it would heartily recommend to anyone as a PSA)
Marvelous Mrs. Maisel was the only one that received a check mark and 1.5 asterisks
and then I rewrote the list and was like, maybe I should circle the ones that gut-reflex stick out to me? but then that would leave out the original Twilight Zone and how it's interesting to see what existential crises people were having in the 60s. Or that Your Name is worth checking out, subbed version? And that Jim and Andy was weird and sad and a good psych case study? Or that Parasite was pretty good? And that The Pianist and Schindler's List destroyed me and yet feel like they possess an importance that transcends "enjoyment" (similar to Grave of the Fireflies)?
In any case, this is what I ended up circling thus far:
-A Sun
-Bojack Horseman the entire series
-Unbelievable
-Rosemary's Baby