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Meghan's avatar

I have a 1 and 3 year old right now and it feels like daily I’m hearing “enjoy them while they are little” which just always feels like code for “they get worse” and “you’ll wish you could back to this high point in life” which makes me so anxious and kind of just sad?? I always want to say “I am trying so hard to enjoy!!! I am afraid of life passing me by too! And every night when they go to bed I worry I did a bad job at it bc I love them so much it hurts, but also it’s not all fun and games and I’m tired!!!”

Really grateful for this piece! Made me feel lighter. Thanks to your mom, too :)

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Kathleen's avatar

As someone slightly farther into parenthood but still very much in it (my oldest is 5), honestly, I rarely look at pictures and notes from when he was a baby. And when i do, I can't really conjure up how I felt back then anymore. I know that it was tough, and also happier than expected, and I adored him, but it's well in the past now. I adore him also the way he is now, tougher in some ways, easier in others, differently rich.

I'm the baby of my family, and as I was growing up, my mom would sometimes tell me, "remember, for me, you're this big," and hold her hands as if holding a baby. I know (and knew) what she meant, but it still annoyed me a little. I wanted her to see me for who I was at the present time.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I fully agree the past is shifty. And meanwhile the present is always here, full of people to love. Not that there's anything wrong with reminiscing, but it's also okay not to record everything, you know? Your future self doesn't need it to be happy. There's so much to love and focus on in the now, and there will be in their time too.

This makes a good companion piece to your recent essay on the pleasures and benefits of forgetting.

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