Did you read Emily Ratajkowski’s viral essay? This week I delve into my perhaps controversial reaction to it, and my thoughts on her general figurehood, which I’ve been wanting to write about for a while.
i just subscribed to your substack, so i went back and read this piece. coincidentally, the NYT interview with Mia Khalifa was then the first thing on my instagram feed. it feels so reminiscent of this essay, even though it intersects with global politics much more overtly. would be curious to hear your thoughts on the piece and how it compares to emily ratajkowski’s essay
I started following you because I’m pregnant and was curious if you wrote about babies. But I got so much more! Thank you for your work. It’s very insightful, refreshing, and just very cool.
I started following you because I’m pregnant and was curious if you wrote about babies. But I got so much more! Thank you for your work. It’s very insightful, refreshing, and just very cool.
Thanks for sharing this analysis. There has always been something hard for me to articulate about the “brand” of Emrata that I guess I wasn’t sure how to begin to think about from a male perspective, and I think you articulated it quite excellently! I’m reminded of Naomi Watts’s character from I Heart Huckabees. I think her actions in that movie show how to denounce a social-culturally defined beauty that she profits from. she physically and actionably attacks the “brand” the corporation wants her to represent, dressing and acting however she likes in counterintuitive ways. But this is the risk that is harder in reality, and the real way to do this seems a lot more counterculture in a ways that has little payoff. In our culture, the “brand” or persona seems to award the ultimate payoff. But the reality of being human is not brand or persona…
Thank you for putting into words what I could never. Whenever someone praised Emily Ratajkowski for being a feminist icon my gut instinct said "really?", but I never could fully explain why my instinct told me to question this more thoroughly.
Happened to re-read this masterpiece at a time when I could receive it more fully. I feel like you did crack open an answer here to "so what more should we do". By the end of this read I thought of many ways to chink away at "revolution" in my own life. Ways I could refocus time and energy towards meaningful work that doesn't feed the current power structure but instead builds a new one. It doesn't necessarily take privilege and wealth to refocus time and energies away from giving power to patriarchy, misogyny, racism, capitalism, but privilege/wealth definitely make the sacrifice of time, leisure, rest, status, power (sacrifices that are a required for "moving the ladder to a different spot/getting rid of the ladder") less painful. And that's to me what makes it more disappointing to see celebrities virtue signaling. They have all the time and means of survival to turn towards that work. I don't defend Kim K, and maybe I'm missing your mark by saying this, but I do think maybe her feminism is occasionally, minimally less hollow than Emily's when she brings attention, celebrity resources, and time to criminal-justice reform.
Garbage white woman calling a black woman racist. In your essay calling on understanding of perpetuating problematic actions and discourse you do the same. Giving me an f’ing break. White women like your Bernie-bro loving, holier than thou pontificating, calling black women racist dribble ARE NOT allies to black women. Especially not me. Of course you wrote for MR. I’d love for you to say this ish to my face, or any other average black woman.
Hi, just passing by to say: Rick is the best! Such a brilliant creative - such a deep, humane, special person. One of the few true inspirations. He played a special part in the person I've become and am still growing into. Love him forever.
Hayley, I've always appreciated your writing and thinking, and I agree with everything you've written here, but I couldn't help but notice that while you critique Jia Tolentino, your argument related to choice-feminism is an almost exact reiteration of her argument in "Always Be Optimizing," one of the essays in her recent collection. I was surprised that your argument does not seem to extend beyond Tolentino's—in the end, you are critiquing her for the very same limitations that your argument cannot seem to work beyond. It's a limitation that I see and feel and reproduce often in relation to my own cultural criticisms. We want to say, "This person isn't doing enough," and yet, we can't seem to do or say anything more that they are already saying and doing. Ratajkowski’s essay is easy to critique, as is Ratajkowski herself and her brand of feminism. I think the more difficult and potentially more interesting work is reading an essay like Ratajkowski’s and asking questions not only about its limitations, but about what it makes possible. What does this text know and how does it come to know what it knows? What does this text's knowledge make possible? What questions does it offer us? What does it open us toward? What might we *do* with it? From where has this knowledge traveled from and where might it continue to travel? (This kind of reading is what Eve Sedgwick calls "reparative reading.")
Really enjoyed this piece, I had been for a while thinking this but struggled to put it into the words you did so eloquently. With choice feminism at times, I felt anti-feminist because I wouldn't always think something a woman did was feminist. Though she feels empowered and she can't help the way she looks, and it is good she is able to comfortable and proud in her own skin, I can't help think, when my friends and I looked at her Instagram posts growing up, we never felt empowered but often inferior and self-conscious we will never look like that.
Sometimes I think we all need to address and identify the misogyny and male gaze we all internalise (I believe it's almost impossible for us not internalise this, growing up in a world that is still (though better) very sexist and misogynistic), I would have liked her to maybe address this, talking about the work she does, instead of stating all her Instagram posts and the makeup she applies is just for herself and to feel empowered.
Though what Emily has been through is awful and what the industry did to her is atrocious, however, like you said I wished she would have used her platform to raise awareness to all the other young women who are being exploited by this industry. Who are vulnerable because they do not have the same amount of power and platform she has, which comes with being a multi-millionaire supermodel. One of these privileges as well being a 'conventionally' attractive, young, white, non-disabled cis woman, where her story can be relatable for some, it often can't be related for many.
'What does it mean to participate and benefit from a culture you also want to denounce? Is denouncement enough?' - I have a friend who defines herself as socialist, loves Che Guevara and Cuba so much she decided to do a 'Destination Wedding' in Varadero ... ??? It was the most awkward experience I ever had, especially when she asked me to bring MAC lipsticks as the local make up lady only had terrible products, making my friend Bride very frustrated with the lack of structure in Cuba. Thank you for this, this uncomfortable true is all over the place.
i just subscribed to your substack, so i went back and read this piece. coincidentally, the NYT interview with Mia Khalifa was then the first thing on my instagram feed. it feels so reminiscent of this essay, even though it intersects with global politics much more overtly. would be curious to hear your thoughts on the piece and how it compares to emily ratajkowski’s essay
I started following you because I’m pregnant and was curious if you wrote about babies. But I got so much more! Thank you for your work. It’s very insightful, refreshing, and just very cool.
I started following you because I’m pregnant and was curious if you wrote about babies. But I got so much more! Thank you for your work. It’s very insightful, refreshing, and just very cool.
This was so wonderfully and articulately stated! 👌🏽
Thanks for sharing this analysis. There has always been something hard for me to articulate about the “brand” of Emrata that I guess I wasn’t sure how to begin to think about from a male perspective, and I think you articulated it quite excellently! I’m reminded of Naomi Watts’s character from I Heart Huckabees. I think her actions in that movie show how to denounce a social-culturally defined beauty that she profits from. she physically and actionably attacks the “brand” the corporation wants her to represent, dressing and acting however she likes in counterintuitive ways. But this is the risk that is harder in reality, and the real way to do this seems a lot more counterculture in a ways that has little payoff. In our culture, the “brand” or persona seems to award the ultimate payoff. But the reality of being human is not brand or persona…
Thank you for putting into words what I could never. Whenever someone praised Emily Ratajkowski for being a feminist icon my gut instinct said "really?", but I never could fully explain why my instinct told me to question this more thoroughly.
Happened to re-read this masterpiece at a time when I could receive it more fully. I feel like you did crack open an answer here to "so what more should we do". By the end of this read I thought of many ways to chink away at "revolution" in my own life. Ways I could refocus time and energy towards meaningful work that doesn't feed the current power structure but instead builds a new one. It doesn't necessarily take privilege and wealth to refocus time and energies away from giving power to patriarchy, misogyny, racism, capitalism, but privilege/wealth definitely make the sacrifice of time, leisure, rest, status, power (sacrifices that are a required for "moving the ladder to a different spot/getting rid of the ladder") less painful. And that's to me what makes it more disappointing to see celebrities virtue signaling. They have all the time and means of survival to turn towards that work. I don't defend Kim K, and maybe I'm missing your mark by saying this, but I do think maybe her feminism is occasionally, minimally less hollow than Emily's when she brings attention, celebrity resources, and time to criminal-justice reform.
Garbage white woman calling a black woman racist. In your essay calling on understanding of perpetuating problematic actions and discourse you do the same. Giving me an f’ing break. White women like your Bernie-bro loving, holier than thou pontificating, calling black women racist dribble ARE NOT allies to black women. Especially not me. Of course you wrote for MR. I’d love for you to say this ish to my face, or any other average black woman.
3 Tips For Better Confidence
•Talk about yourself nicely
•Overwhelm yourself with kind and kind words
•Don’t just act in such a way that the surroundings are satisfied
More On My Blog⤵
https://womanandlife.substack.com/p/get-the-self-confidence-killers-out
Hi, just passing by to say: Rick is the best! Such a brilliant creative - such a deep, humane, special person. One of the few true inspirations. He played a special part in the person I've become and am still growing into. Love him forever.
And you too are inspiring Haley!
x
Hayley, I've always appreciated your writing and thinking, and I agree with everything you've written here, but I couldn't help but notice that while you critique Jia Tolentino, your argument related to choice-feminism is an almost exact reiteration of her argument in "Always Be Optimizing," one of the essays in her recent collection. I was surprised that your argument does not seem to extend beyond Tolentino's—in the end, you are critiquing her for the very same limitations that your argument cannot seem to work beyond. It's a limitation that I see and feel and reproduce often in relation to my own cultural criticisms. We want to say, "This person isn't doing enough," and yet, we can't seem to do or say anything more that they are already saying and doing. Ratajkowski’s essay is easy to critique, as is Ratajkowski herself and her brand of feminism. I think the more difficult and potentially more interesting work is reading an essay like Ratajkowski’s and asking questions not only about its limitations, but about what it makes possible. What does this text know and how does it come to know what it knows? What does this text's knowledge make possible? What questions does it offer us? What does it open us toward? What might we *do* with it? From where has this knowledge traveled from and where might it continue to travel? (This kind of reading is what Eve Sedgwick calls "reparative reading.")
Really enjoyed this piece, I had been for a while thinking this but struggled to put it into the words you did so eloquently. With choice feminism at times, I felt anti-feminist because I wouldn't always think something a woman did was feminist. Though she feels empowered and she can't help the way she looks, and it is good she is able to comfortable and proud in her own skin, I can't help think, when my friends and I looked at her Instagram posts growing up, we never felt empowered but often inferior and self-conscious we will never look like that.
Sometimes I think we all need to address and identify the misogyny and male gaze we all internalise (I believe it's almost impossible for us not internalise this, growing up in a world that is still (though better) very sexist and misogynistic), I would have liked her to maybe address this, talking about the work she does, instead of stating all her Instagram posts and the makeup she applies is just for herself and to feel empowered.
Though what Emily has been through is awful and what the industry did to her is atrocious, however, like you said I wished she would have used her platform to raise awareness to all the other young women who are being exploited by this industry. Who are vulnerable because they do not have the same amount of power and platform she has, which comes with being a multi-millionaire supermodel. One of these privileges as well being a 'conventionally' attractive, young, white, non-disabled cis woman, where her story can be relatable for some, it often can't be related for many.
'What does it mean to participate and benefit from a culture you also want to denounce? Is denouncement enough?' - I have a friend who defines herself as socialist, loves Che Guevara and Cuba so much she decided to do a 'Destination Wedding' in Varadero ... ??? It was the most awkward experience I ever had, especially when she asked me to bring MAC lipsticks as the local make up lady only had terrible products, making my friend Bride very frustrated with the lack of structure in Cuba. Thank you for this, this uncomfortable true is all over the place.
My favourite edition of your newsletter yet. Just brilliant.
Fascinating! Another article on this ➡️ https://therefractedmagazine.com/2020/09/24/the-emily-enigma/ discusses em rata and her choice feminism, desirability politics, the Male gaze, the power of narrative, and the nature of choice!
Yaaaaaaaas finally an articles and ideology that I can get down with. You externalized what I have felt for years.