If you’ve been online in the past three days, you’re probably aware that Fiona Apple just released an album. It’s called Fetch the Bolt Cutters, and it’s her first in nine years. Within hours of its release my Twitter feed was flooded with proclamations of its perfection and suggestions that it could single-handedly “save us.”
Dear Halley, it is so insecure and I feel so insecure to get to know so many things and before today's MAYBE BABY I did not know Fiona Apple. Bare in mind I am good at classic piano, I used to be a dj from my 22 to my 27! Now I am 30 and thanks to your email, I get to know Fiona Apple. I say thanks to 'cause I am glad I double check that I am very picky to what I let in my ears. All my best from Athens, Greece. Waiting already to the next M.B. xxx Christina.
Hey there! Just wanted to say that your 'Maybe Baby' is becoming a lovely habit to me. A safe space where all unfinished thoughts seem to count as much as these huge, bold statements... or even more...Thank you Haley! :-)
I love Fiona Apple and have been incredibly moved by this album, but I can't listen to her music in the same casual way I might listen to someone else. I had to listen to Bolt Cutters three or four times before I felt like I "got it", although some of the more melodic songs hit faster, and others still make me bristle. Those jarring outbursts like the clattering pans can actually feel comforting to me during these dark days when I find myself wishing I could scream with Fiona-style ferocity every time I read the news. What really appealed to me about this album in particular is that it's all about women and female relationships. 'Ladies' made me want to call up every woman my boyfriend dated before me and thank them! So while I do find this album challenging, I feel pulled to keep coming back and rewarded when I do. By contrast, I turned off Bob Dylan's 17 minute JFK ode halfway through...talk about 'not getting it'.
This newsletter topic deeply resonates with me! I resent the notion that we have to all enjoy the same artists; whether it be musicians, actors, filmmakers, writers or the like. Since my youth, I've struggled with trying out the works of "current" or "popular" well-adorned artists, and am ultimately meant to feel guilty, or worse made an outcast for not liking them as much as everyone else. I think it's brave and earnest of you to open up and explain your process for reaching a consensus (or path to one!) on Fiona. Also, I enjoy the format of your newsletters, no cadence needed IMO, it feels like I'm sitting and having coffee with a friend (remember coffee hangs?! sigh.) So, thank you!
Wow, maybe this is telling of me, but your newsletter was the first time I even knew of the album. Honestly it made me think, “I am following too superficial of Instagram accounts, and flooding myself with only the grim NYT times accounts of protests and uprising?” It made me really think about what I was doing on my phone all day that I missed something so seemingly.....relevant? I have recently filtered my Instagram into only pretty-to-look-at things like a woman who makes miniature stylish houses and Madewell clothes and painters and artists that capture color and light if not only in an abstract way, so maybe that pushed me out of touch of this recent development in the Fiona Apple saga. As a daughter of a divorced single mom in the 90s female angst music with a harshness to it always hit home with me. Jagged Little Pill is something that I can croon to in any scenario and Jewel was my first concert. While I haven’t listened to Apples new album it still sparks curiosity, like maybe I’ll get it thanks to my prior experiences. BUT from what you and others are describing it sounds like I likely will not. Does that mean I’m not trying hard enough as someone who finds this music relatable? Or are we allowed to just find things that are accepted enmasse “unpalatable”. While we can look to Fiona to be breaking the mold it’s like appreciating a piece of art you just don’t get. You can stand there and understand it’s relevance in history, how the artist may have been the first to delve deep into what yellow means but at the end of the day if it’s just not turning on those pleasure centers in your brain, you will walk to the next gallery and probably never revisit that piece again.
Haley, just yesterday I resigned to the social forces that were telling me I HAD to listen to the FA's new album (or else risk being entirely in the out-group). I finally turned it on and felt the exact. same. way. I felt so confused by my distaste that I started to question if something was actually wrong with me and my tastes; that I didn't get some vital memo or sentiment that everyone around me seemed to be in on. I actually told myself that I'd try to listen to it again today, but reading your article made me realize that questioning my own tastes, convincing myself that I have to relisten to a popularly loved album, and in turn, attempting to rewrite my preferences is a terrible feedback loop for insecurity so I'm now resolved to stand by my original preferences. Not sure if this makes me closed-minded and stubborn or secure and confident? And if it does make me secure and confident, then is the "correct" way of consuming social media to peruse but not absorb any new impressions into one's identity? Is that not then close-minded?
More generally, the fact that my oscillation between confidence and insecurity perfectly maps onto my spells of using vs avoiding Instagram makes this newsletter (especially) hit home.
Anyway, thank you so much for starting your newsletter -- it's always a great start to the day!
I just had a whole comment but sadly I wasn't logged in and it went away when I did :( I loved this and maybe if I get the energy again to restate my comment I'll return here! I love your writing. It feels very honest and I think today that's what I'm looking for more than anything. Thank you! Have a stellar day as best you can.
I was just a teenager then but I just had that feeling that her music wasn't for me, that I didn't get it. But being so young my insecurities were far more surface level than an analysis of my own 'othering' and contrarian tendencies. None of my peers listened to Fiona Apple and social media wasn't really a thing yet. I simply thought I was too dumb haha. Fiona Apple has won me over now though, there is just something that deeply resonates, a sort of truth. Do or don't have a read of my article, I cover that feeling of childhood inadequacy pretty early in the piece.
In my circle though I sometimes feel insecure to tell someone I do think this album is good because I know none of my direct peers would agree. I like this album because it is so different than everything else that's out right now. At first, I was confused and wasn't sure what the appeal was but as I kept listening and then a second time, I grew to really like it. The same thing happened to me when the new Arctic Monkeys album came out a few years ago. It's so different than the rest of their stuff and it was "weird" musically & lyrically but then listening to the second time (and third and 100th) I found little pockets that I like and grow to love the whole thing. We all have some weirdness and craziness inside us and these people boldly put it out for the whole world. I definitely wouldn't play at a party or suggest all my friends immediately listen. I guess it depends the circles you personally run in, but my insecurity about liking this album comes from the opposite end.
i only started listening to fiona a few months ago. Even discussing the album (online) with other people, I have a subconscious fear that they think I am listening to her for the same sort of "status" you are talking about. If I'm excited about the album now, but was only familiar with "Criminal" a year ago, what else can I be but a (forgive me) clout-chaser. My fear of being perceived as a hollow phony definitely says a lot about how much I need therapy, but I also think social media has had such an intense effect on how much I think about being perceived. The constant social surveillance loops back into everything I do, there's a forced hesitation before I present myself to the internet, and now, the physical public, too.
On a side note: I think Fiona's album is better with the context of her previous albums. Knowing her (reading the New Yorker profile) definitely gives it more weight.
This encapsulates how I feel about the "No-Makeup-Makeup" trend! As someone who (I guess?) has been doing that forever/normally goes sans-makeup, I now sometimes get the creepy feeling that I'm doing it incorrectly. Maybe I should pay more attention to my eyebrows, and how do you look dewy all the time? What vitamins are they taking and should I be taking them too?
Anyway, Great Read to start my Wednesday. I'm already patting myself on the back for signing up for your newsletter.
I liked the album a lot, buttt... I had planned to write something about the winter a few years ago that I worked at a warehouse and finally listened to When The Pawn... I don't know if that's interesting anymore. Maybe (baby) I have dodged a bullet and my personal relationship with Apple was never that interesting - whether it's part of a flood of Personal Apple Writing or otherwise.
A few years ago I read an amazing essay by Patty Yumi Cottrel about her many years of Fiona Apple fandom. I think it was from Hazlitt.
as a fiona apple fan I feel it's better to start listening to her from the first records on. this one is the less friendly and weirder one (not that these are bad things...). I'm pretty sure you will like them! hugs from brasil
YES all I want to talk about is Fiona Apple! I had the opposite experience - I too missed her completely, never listened to any of her music, and listened for the first time last Friday after seeing her name one million times on Twitter. I lit a candle and listened to the album straight through and felt so SEEN. Like just instant obsession. Now I've been listening to REtch the bolt Cutters, Under the Table, and Relay on repeat.
I do not think I would have had this experience if I wasn't in this particular moment in my life / in the world. With Corona I am on the edge of intense emotion at every moment. I don't think I've consumed a single piece of media without tearing up or full on sobbing in the past few weeks. Additionally, I'm doing a lot of work in therapy and my brain about anger - being comfortable with it, allowing myself to feel it, appreciating the expression of it - and hearing someone be angry AND insecure felt soothing and exciting at once.
Also, I'm sure part of the reason I loved it was I had decided to love it before I turned it on. I wonder if I actually would if I'd just stumbled upon the album minus all the recs. Who knows. The thing about what we love is we just can't separate it from all the forces telling us to love it. Certainly I know that some day I will embarrass my future children by loudly playing Kick me Under the Table while I wait to pick them up in the carpool line and they will say MOM and I will say "this album came out in the craziest time and we were stuck in our houses for MONTHS and now you are going to listen to it."
“Everybody acts like I'm nuts. I'm not nuts I just want to feel it all.”
― Fiona Apple
Dear Halley, it is so insecure and I feel so insecure to get to know so many things and before today's MAYBE BABY I did not know Fiona Apple. Bare in mind I am good at classic piano, I used to be a dj from my 22 to my 27! Now I am 30 and thanks to your email, I get to know Fiona Apple. I say thanks to 'cause I am glad I double check that I am very picky to what I let in my ears. All my best from Athens, Greece. Waiting already to the next M.B. xxx Christina.
Hey there! Just wanted to say that your 'Maybe Baby' is becoming a lovely habit to me. A safe space where all unfinished thoughts seem to count as much as these huge, bold statements... or even more...Thank you Haley! :-)
I love Fiona Apple and have been incredibly moved by this album, but I can't listen to her music in the same casual way I might listen to someone else. I had to listen to Bolt Cutters three or four times before I felt like I "got it", although some of the more melodic songs hit faster, and others still make me bristle. Those jarring outbursts like the clattering pans can actually feel comforting to me during these dark days when I find myself wishing I could scream with Fiona-style ferocity every time I read the news. What really appealed to me about this album in particular is that it's all about women and female relationships. 'Ladies' made me want to call up every woman my boyfriend dated before me and thank them! So while I do find this album challenging, I feel pulled to keep coming back and rewarded when I do. By contrast, I turned off Bob Dylan's 17 minute JFK ode halfway through...talk about 'not getting it'.
This newsletter topic deeply resonates with me! I resent the notion that we have to all enjoy the same artists; whether it be musicians, actors, filmmakers, writers or the like. Since my youth, I've struggled with trying out the works of "current" or "popular" well-adorned artists, and am ultimately meant to feel guilty, or worse made an outcast for not liking them as much as everyone else. I think it's brave and earnest of you to open up and explain your process for reaching a consensus (or path to one!) on Fiona. Also, I enjoy the format of your newsletters, no cadence needed IMO, it feels like I'm sitting and having coffee with a friend (remember coffee hangs?! sigh.) So, thank you!
Wow, maybe this is telling of me, but your newsletter was the first time I even knew of the album. Honestly it made me think, “I am following too superficial of Instagram accounts, and flooding myself with only the grim NYT times accounts of protests and uprising?” It made me really think about what I was doing on my phone all day that I missed something so seemingly.....relevant? I have recently filtered my Instagram into only pretty-to-look-at things like a woman who makes miniature stylish houses and Madewell clothes and painters and artists that capture color and light if not only in an abstract way, so maybe that pushed me out of touch of this recent development in the Fiona Apple saga. As a daughter of a divorced single mom in the 90s female angst music with a harshness to it always hit home with me. Jagged Little Pill is something that I can croon to in any scenario and Jewel was my first concert. While I haven’t listened to Apples new album it still sparks curiosity, like maybe I’ll get it thanks to my prior experiences. BUT from what you and others are describing it sounds like I likely will not. Does that mean I’m not trying hard enough as someone who finds this music relatable? Or are we allowed to just find things that are accepted enmasse “unpalatable”. While we can look to Fiona to be breaking the mold it’s like appreciating a piece of art you just don’t get. You can stand there and understand it’s relevance in history, how the artist may have been the first to delve deep into what yellow means but at the end of the day if it’s just not turning on those pleasure centers in your brain, you will walk to the next gallery and probably never revisit that piece again.
Haley, just yesterday I resigned to the social forces that were telling me I HAD to listen to the FA's new album (or else risk being entirely in the out-group). I finally turned it on and felt the exact. same. way. I felt so confused by my distaste that I started to question if something was actually wrong with me and my tastes; that I didn't get some vital memo or sentiment that everyone around me seemed to be in on. I actually told myself that I'd try to listen to it again today, but reading your article made me realize that questioning my own tastes, convincing myself that I have to relisten to a popularly loved album, and in turn, attempting to rewrite my preferences is a terrible feedback loop for insecurity so I'm now resolved to stand by my original preferences. Not sure if this makes me closed-minded and stubborn or secure and confident? And if it does make me secure and confident, then is the "correct" way of consuming social media to peruse but not absorb any new impressions into one's identity? Is that not then close-minded?
More generally, the fact that my oscillation between confidence and insecurity perfectly maps onto my spells of using vs avoiding Instagram makes this newsletter (especially) hit home.
Anyway, thank you so much for starting your newsletter -- it's always a great start to the day!
I just had a whole comment but sadly I wasn't logged in and it went away when I did :( I loved this and maybe if I get the energy again to restate my comment I'll return here! I love your writing. It feels very honest and I think today that's what I'm looking for more than anything. Thank you! Have a stellar day as best you can.
This is sort of eerie but I just published a favourable review of this album which has been featured on Medium Music where I talk about really similar feelings I had after listening to Fiona Apple's last album 'The Idler Wheel' eight years ago. https://medium.com/@joyqin/feature-review-and-reflections-on-fetch-the-bolt-cutters-by-fiona-apple-1e0bef8aa3f
I was just a teenager then but I just had that feeling that her music wasn't for me, that I didn't get it. But being so young my insecurities were far more surface level than an analysis of my own 'othering' and contrarian tendencies. None of my peers listened to Fiona Apple and social media wasn't really a thing yet. I simply thought I was too dumb haha. Fiona Apple has won me over now though, there is just something that deeply resonates, a sort of truth. Do or don't have a read of my article, I cover that feeling of childhood inadequacy pretty early in the piece.
In my circle though I sometimes feel insecure to tell someone I do think this album is good because I know none of my direct peers would agree. I like this album because it is so different than everything else that's out right now. At first, I was confused and wasn't sure what the appeal was but as I kept listening and then a second time, I grew to really like it. The same thing happened to me when the new Arctic Monkeys album came out a few years ago. It's so different than the rest of their stuff and it was "weird" musically & lyrically but then listening to the second time (and third and 100th) I found little pockets that I like and grow to love the whole thing. We all have some weirdness and craziness inside us and these people boldly put it out for the whole world. I definitely wouldn't play at a party or suggest all my friends immediately listen. I guess it depends the circles you personally run in, but my insecurity about liking this album comes from the opposite end.
i only started listening to fiona a few months ago. Even discussing the album (online) with other people, I have a subconscious fear that they think I am listening to her for the same sort of "status" you are talking about. If I'm excited about the album now, but was only familiar with "Criminal" a year ago, what else can I be but a (forgive me) clout-chaser. My fear of being perceived as a hollow phony definitely says a lot about how much I need therapy, but I also think social media has had such an intense effect on how much I think about being perceived. The constant social surveillance loops back into everything I do, there's a forced hesitation before I present myself to the internet, and now, the physical public, too.
On a side note: I think Fiona's album is better with the context of her previous albums. Knowing her (reading the New Yorker profile) definitely gives it more weight.
This encapsulates how I feel about the "No-Makeup-Makeup" trend! As someone who (I guess?) has been doing that forever/normally goes sans-makeup, I now sometimes get the creepy feeling that I'm doing it incorrectly. Maybe I should pay more attention to my eyebrows, and how do you look dewy all the time? What vitamins are they taking and should I be taking them too?
Anyway, Great Read to start my Wednesday. I'm already patting myself on the back for signing up for your newsletter.
1. love the idea about not coming from insecurity, competition and lol even professionalism.
2. i haven’t ever listened to fiona. is it like chopin?
3. the tone of this newsletter is evidence is happy proof that we are now in the new normal.
I liked the album a lot, buttt... I had planned to write something about the winter a few years ago that I worked at a warehouse and finally listened to When The Pawn... I don't know if that's interesting anymore. Maybe (baby) I have dodged a bullet and my personal relationship with Apple was never that interesting - whether it's part of a flood of Personal Apple Writing or otherwise.
A few years ago I read an amazing essay by Patty Yumi Cottrel about her many years of Fiona Apple fandom. I think it was from Hazlitt.
as a fiona apple fan I feel it's better to start listening to her from the first records on. this one is the less friendly and weirder one (not that these are bad things...). I'm pretty sure you will like them! hugs from brasil
YES all I want to talk about is Fiona Apple! I had the opposite experience - I too missed her completely, never listened to any of her music, and listened for the first time last Friday after seeing her name one million times on Twitter. I lit a candle and listened to the album straight through and felt so SEEN. Like just instant obsession. Now I've been listening to REtch the bolt Cutters, Under the Table, and Relay on repeat.
I do not think I would have had this experience if I wasn't in this particular moment in my life / in the world. With Corona I am on the edge of intense emotion at every moment. I don't think I've consumed a single piece of media without tearing up or full on sobbing in the past few weeks. Additionally, I'm doing a lot of work in therapy and my brain about anger - being comfortable with it, allowing myself to feel it, appreciating the expression of it - and hearing someone be angry AND insecure felt soothing and exciting at once.
Also, I'm sure part of the reason I loved it was I had decided to love it before I turned it on. I wonder if I actually would if I'd just stumbled upon the album minus all the recs. Who knows. The thing about what we love is we just can't separate it from all the forces telling us to love it. Certainly I know that some day I will embarrass my future children by loudly playing Kick me Under the Table while I wait to pick them up in the carpool line and they will say MOM and I will say "this album came out in the craziest time and we were stuck in our houses for MONTHS and now you are going to listen to it."