Last Saturday I flew to San Diego with my brother and boyfriend. The plane was filled to 25% capacity and smelled like rain-scented hand soap, not unpleasant. We wiped everything obsessively before we sat down, and then again whenever we touched anything. Compulsively sanitizing always makes me feel half-crazy, because I’m either doing it unnecessarily or I’m literally wiping away a lethal virus, neither of which I want to be true.
"To escape it all—into the woods, into a commune, into your own little world—is to either accept that some must suffer for your pleasure or ignore suffering altogether."
The quote from Donna Tartt reminds me of James Joyce. After publishing Ulysses he said “For myself, I always write about Dublin, because if I can get to the heart of Dublin I can get to the heart of all the cities of the world. In the particular is contained the universal."
Your newsletters have become a truly solid thing that I have come to look forward to every single week. I have always loved your writing and, similarly to what other commenters have said, it honestly does feel like hearing from a dear friend. I love the podcast format and looking forward to hearing more! Thank you for putting out such stellar content and for sharing your thoughts with us - sending you a gloved high-five / elbow tap from London x
I had a shower epiphany this morning related to the way we name/refer to suburban regions—Fairfield or Westchester Counties outside of NYC, and Orange County outside LA. (San Diego might fit into this pattern too.) I’ve always found it interesting that people from these places referred to the entire county when asked where they were from, rather than naming a specific town or city. I thought this was a sort of arbitrary vernacular pattern until I realized that suburbs are sort of intentionally constructed to lack distinct features. The towns and cities are intentionally small-medium, and things like school districts and HOAs are used as points of reference. I guess this corresponds with the feeling of amorphousness or even isolation of suburban areas
I loved this week’s newsletter so much!!! Your writing makes me feel like I’m talking to a friend, which is both a little sad (because it’s so much harder to have intimate conversations with/enjoy the company of friends during quarantine) and very soothing. You’ve left me with many things to consider, as well, which is heartening. Looking forward to upping my $ support and listening to your podcast <3
I resonated with your suburbia insights this week...i've been living with my parents for the last 2 years during grad school and am always a little shocked when I realize how comfortable I am here. When I travel to a big city for a trip I always have a moment of almost culture shock where I have to adjust to walking/public transport/bustling people (although this feels like a distant memory with covid rn)... I want to move to a city in the future so that I can get uncomfortable, I think it will be something I need to grow up a little bit if that makes sense. But I also know how good it will feel when I come back home to visit and "retreat" to that comfy-ness again.
This completely ruled, your description of flying across the country and whipping off your masks at the end is absolutely magical.
Also, I've been reading Simon Hanselmann's comics that he's been putting on his instagram every morning, over breakfast (dude is unafraid of fluids is what I'm saying, *all* the fluids), so could have probably handled the blood blister, but can understand if you didn't want to post it. Strongly recommend the comic, by the way, he's been basically documenting these weird times in real time, through his characters. It started way back in March. He should probably get a Pulitzer or something tbh.
Also Maya Angelou is incredible. I remember watching her monologue on the Richard Pryor show and absolutely sobbing. I mean, a couple of drinks may have been involved, but it's really that moving.
She comes in after the 7-minute mark. Though tbh the fact that it comes on the end of a Richard Pryor getting drunk down the pub sketch kind of adds to the effect.
"I wonder if it’s not also a recognition of the grim reality that most people simply don’t have these things, and it’s not fair that I do. Then the light breeze carries that thought away and I’m 16 again, and it feels both rapturous and dangerous, to be nostalgic for that kind of ignorance."
Hot damn, Nahman! I had to reread those two lines a few times over because you perfectly scratched an itch that I've had for while now - remembering how naive I was as a teenager and how I kind of miss that easy innocence... Which in and of itself was a very privileged experience, as not everyone is afforded the luxury of a childhood so easy.
Once again, I've really enjoyed the latest instalment of your newsletter. It's the perfect way to start my Monday morning at my desk. Looking forward to more podcast eps!
I can't have Sunday without your newsletter! I am glad that these last 3 months not only brought compulsory remote work but also time to read and discover writing like yours! Absolutely 5-star rating! Thank you for inspiring so many of us!! all the best from Warsaw, Poland!
I love getting this newsletter on Sunday. I'm actually also in quarantine in California right now, having come home from New York, and experiencing that same sense of 'have I been really unhappy?' that you encapsulated. Sometimes I think the same drives and personality traits that led me to leave California and everyone I knew and loved to go to New York and take a risk mean that I don't allow myself to be happy, at least not in a permanent way. 'Calm' is about as close as it gets. In part, my moving back was a way to explore if I could find or cultivate happiness within myself, while also relieving the sadness and pressure of being far from my family. Whatever this time in California brings you, I hope you can continue to breathe out and decompress. There is a part of me that feels literally traumatized by living through that first wave in the city, and I think we can own that and make space for our own recovery. Also-- your line about the sanitizing was so smart, and real.
My family is in the San Diego suburbs. Whenever they come to visit the city, they are so put out by “dirt” and “crowds” and “noises.” It makes me crazy, and you articulated why so well. Lovely as always, thank you.
Your newsletter has quickly become one of the highlights of my week and I’m always so happy to combat my Sunday Scaries with your thoughtful words and recommendations. Thank you for your work and keep enjoying the sunshine.
"To escape it all—into the woods, into a commune, into your own little world—is to either accept that some must suffer for your pleasure or ignore suffering altogether."
I REALLY needed to read that. Thank you.
The quote from Donna Tartt reminds me of James Joyce. After publishing Ulysses he said “For myself, I always write about Dublin, because if I can get to the heart of Dublin I can get to the heart of all the cities of the world. In the particular is contained the universal."
Your newsletters have become a truly solid thing that I have come to look forward to every single week. I have always loved your writing and, similarly to what other commenters have said, it honestly does feel like hearing from a dear friend. I love the podcast format and looking forward to hearing more! Thank you for putting out such stellar content and for sharing your thoughts with us - sending you a gloved high-five / elbow tap from London x
Jen
high-five/elbow tap back!
I had a shower epiphany this morning related to the way we name/refer to suburban regions—Fairfield or Westchester Counties outside of NYC, and Orange County outside LA. (San Diego might fit into this pattern too.) I’ve always found it interesting that people from these places referred to the entire county when asked where they were from, rather than naming a specific town or city. I thought this was a sort of arbitrary vernacular pattern until I realized that suburbs are sort of intentionally constructed to lack distinct features. The towns and cities are intentionally small-medium, and things like school districts and HOAs are used as points of reference. I guess this corresponds with the feeling of amorphousness or even isolation of suburban areas
I loved this week’s newsletter so much!!! Your writing makes me feel like I’m talking to a friend, which is both a little sad (because it’s so much harder to have intimate conversations with/enjoy the company of friends during quarantine) and very soothing. You’ve left me with many things to consider, as well, which is heartening. Looking forward to upping my $ support and listening to your podcast <3
Thank you!! :’)
I resonated with your suburbia insights this week...i've been living with my parents for the last 2 years during grad school and am always a little shocked when I realize how comfortable I am here. When I travel to a big city for a trip I always have a moment of almost culture shock where I have to adjust to walking/public transport/bustling people (although this feels like a distant memory with covid rn)... I want to move to a city in the future so that I can get uncomfortable, I think it will be something I need to grow up a little bit if that makes sense. But I also know how good it will feel when I come back home to visit and "retreat" to that comfy-ness again.
This completely ruled, your description of flying across the country and whipping off your masks at the end is absolutely magical.
Also, I've been reading Simon Hanselmann's comics that he's been putting on his instagram every morning, over breakfast (dude is unafraid of fluids is what I'm saying, *all* the fluids), so could have probably handled the blood blister, but can understand if you didn't want to post it. Strongly recommend the comic, by the way, he's been basically documenting these weird times in real time, through his characters. It started way back in March. He should probably get a Pulitzer or something tbh.
Also Maya Angelou is incredible. I remember watching her monologue on the Richard Pryor show and absolutely sobbing. I mean, a couple of drinks may have been involved, but it's really that moving.
I need to look up that monologue!! (and thank you for the nice words!!)
Here you go
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sNFuxrxfM9c
She comes in after the 7-minute mark. Though tbh the fact that it comes on the end of a Richard Pryor getting drunk down the pub sketch kind of adds to the effect.
"I wonder if it’s not also a recognition of the grim reality that most people simply don’t have these things, and it’s not fair that I do. Then the light breeze carries that thought away and I’m 16 again, and it feels both rapturous and dangerous, to be nostalgic for that kind of ignorance."
Hot damn, Nahman! I had to reread those two lines a few times over because you perfectly scratched an itch that I've had for while now - remembering how naive I was as a teenager and how I kind of miss that easy innocence... Which in and of itself was a very privileged experience, as not everyone is afforded the luxury of a childhood so easy.
Once again, I've really enjoyed the latest instalment of your newsletter. It's the perfect way to start my Monday morning at my desk. Looking forward to more podcast eps!
thank you thank you!!
I look forward to this every Sunday!! Thank you for your words, work and recommendations!
This newsletter was a pleasure to read. Thank you!
I can't have Sunday without your newsletter! I am glad that these last 3 months not only brought compulsory remote work but also time to read and discover writing like yours! Absolutely 5-star rating! Thank you for inspiring so many of us!! all the best from Warsaw, Poland!
I love getting this newsletter on Sunday. I'm actually also in quarantine in California right now, having come home from New York, and experiencing that same sense of 'have I been really unhappy?' that you encapsulated. Sometimes I think the same drives and personality traits that led me to leave California and everyone I knew and loved to go to New York and take a risk mean that I don't allow myself to be happy, at least not in a permanent way. 'Calm' is about as close as it gets. In part, my moving back was a way to explore if I could find or cultivate happiness within myself, while also relieving the sadness and pressure of being far from my family. Whatever this time in California brings you, I hope you can continue to breathe out and decompress. There is a part of me that feels literally traumatized by living through that first wave in the city, and I think we can own that and make space for our own recovery. Also-- your line about the sanitizing was so smart, and real.
This may be one of my favorites yet. ❤️ from a current Suburbian.
I am so envious of my friends in the suburbs right now, a car, freedom, open space... you said it so well.
My family is in the San Diego suburbs. Whenever they come to visit the city, they are so put out by “dirt” and “crowds” and “noises.” It makes me crazy, and you articulated why so well. Lovely as always, thank you.
Hi from Nova Scotia!
Your newsletter has quickly become one of the highlights of my week and I’m always so happy to combat my Sunday Scaries with your thoughtful words and recommendations. Thank you for your work and keep enjoying the sunshine.
Molly