One day in May my sister Kelly called me crying. First she said hi, and then she said: “I don’t know how to tell you this.” I’d answered the phone reclined on the couch, and then I was sitting up so straight Avi looked at me in alarm. “What is it?” I asked, my mind racing. She was silent for a while. “We’re leaving New York,” she finally said. “We’re moving.” And then my whole body unclenched.
I moved here 2 weeks before the pandemic hit. I even got sick with covid. And I’m still here. A lot of my family and friends still wonder why I’m here. After losing my job, I wondered more as well...and yet, I feel that I’m not done here. I don’t have kids and I don’t have a husband or boyfriend, I have me and only me to worry about. So I suppose it is easier to stay here in Brooklyn longer than most would, given the circumstances. Every now and again...I waffle about staying...especially as my savings and checking account oscillate...the way I currently feel, all of this wouldn’t be much different if I were back in L.A. The support and love of family and friends, no matter the geography, is ALWAYS with me. And this is what keeps me going forward.
Ps thanks for the list of reads! Will feast on those later!
Pps so happy I subscribed to this. Have a great week!
It’s so sweet to hear that you’re close with the siblings! I can relate to the moving together and apart rollercoaster. I’m the oldest with two younger brothers, and I moved away from LA for college and then work. We all reconvened as young adults in the Seattle area for several years, then eventually moved. Now we’re spread down the West Coast and I miss them but feel so much closer after our grownup (growing up) years together!
It's funny I have now been out of NYC for a month, so this hit. For us we've been talking about leaving for years (there's actually a high likelihood that had covid not happened I'd have a job in Montreal right now) and Covid just lead to us having a lot of conversations where assuming this is going to be a long haul what do we want our lives to look like. I've been a lot happier if only because not leaving your apartment for months can do a number on you, and leaving felt like finally getting to make an active choice about something in my life.
Your piece about leaving resonated very much with me as well. Living abroad from my home country has been very depressing during this pandemic with all the pros missing like you mentioned. This definitely gave me some food for thought to maybe finally take a decision on when I want to move back home.
I definitely agree with your sentiment that quarantine has given people time to think and reflect on relationships/systems/cities and whether they are actually serving us. I ended my relationship last month for this very reason - realizing that given all this time and space that our compatibility was something that I had doubts about long term. I know you've answered a question about breakups in a past newsletter (s/o to "Why I Ended a Happy Relationship"!), but was wondering if you had any insight on building community and belonging when everything is shifting. Some of these shifts are incredibly important and long overdue, but individually I feel so incredibly isolated (as I'm sure many, many others do too). It's confusing to have your personal identity shift alongside the entire world.
Thanks as always for your writing and perspective, I look forward to this newsletter every week.
Oh, man. LOVED reading Goodbye to All That. Love the 'things you consume' part every week, actually. Thanks to you I consume all these cool interesting things I never normally get the time to dig for-- plus they've made for great conversations I've had with people! I've been meaning to read Joan Didion for the longest time, and I was totally absorbed in that essay. Can't wait to read her books.
Thanks for this Haley. I've been trying to put words to those feelings for a long time. I've also accepted change and it is sad, but the way I was trying to sell my equivalent of the New York idea to myself and everyone I loved was stopping me from living. Thanks for the background song too :)
My sister also left our city in mid-May where we both decided to end up 3,000 miles away from our childhood home. Thank you for capturing the grief of losing your best friend and the understanding that this undeniably what’s right for them.
Haley, I loved the opening paragraph about the weather. I live in a city where wild weather changes can happen suddenly (the phrase 'four seasons in one day' get used A LOT here, but it's accurate), and I love to stand at the window and watch the change sweep through. I feel safe and warm indoors, and awed by the power of the rain and the wind.
Reading this felt a bit like a return to the Haley’s writing that I fell in love with. I’m not sure why and I’m so grateful that you share all facets of yourself on the internet, but it has seemed a bit like you’ve been struggling over these past few months (like a lot of us have) and this, to me, read like you are back in your stride. Don’t know if that’s the case or not but figured it would be worth me sharing how it came across to me. Loved it.
"But this pause has helped me back away from that instinct; to assess my commitment to the city and my life more authentically, and as a result I feel more confident in both." I live in New York but I'm temporarily moving back in with my parents for a few months to save money as I hunt for a new job and new apartment. Lately I've been afraid that I'm going to get used to the comfort of living somewhere that isn't as expensive and stressful as the city and end up not wanting to return.
It's so strange to fear my own future decision, but your words helped me remember that I have agency, that I can use this opportunity away to re-commit to my life in New York and remember why I've been here for the last 5 years. A reminder that I can choose this life with intention, with all of its discomforts, challenges and joys. Thank you!
This one hit.
I moved here 2 weeks before the pandemic hit. I even got sick with covid. And I’m still here. A lot of my family and friends still wonder why I’m here. After losing my job, I wondered more as well...and yet, I feel that I’m not done here. I don’t have kids and I don’t have a husband or boyfriend, I have me and only me to worry about. So I suppose it is easier to stay here in Brooklyn longer than most would, given the circumstances. Every now and again...I waffle about staying...especially as my savings and checking account oscillate...the way I currently feel, all of this wouldn’t be much different if I were back in L.A. The support and love of family and friends, no matter the geography, is ALWAYS with me. And this is what keeps me going forward.
Ps thanks for the list of reads! Will feast on those later!
Pps so happy I subscribed to this. Have a great week!
Thank you, Haley
It’s so sweet to hear that you’re close with the siblings! I can relate to the moving together and apart rollercoaster. I’m the oldest with two younger brothers, and I moved away from LA for college and then work. We all reconvened as young adults in the Seattle area for several years, then eventually moved. Now we’re spread down the West Coast and I miss them but feel so much closer after our grownup (growing up) years together!
It's funny I have now been out of NYC for a month, so this hit. For us we've been talking about leaving for years (there's actually a high likelihood that had covid not happened I'd have a job in Montreal right now) and Covid just lead to us having a lot of conversations where assuming this is going to be a long haul what do we want our lives to look like. I've been a lot happier if only because not leaving your apartment for months can do a number on you, and leaving felt like finally getting to make an active choice about something in my life.
<3
Your piece about leaving resonated very much with me as well. Living abroad from my home country has been very depressing during this pandemic with all the pros missing like you mentioned. This definitely gave me some food for thought to maybe finally take a decision on when I want to move back home.
Looking forward to next week!
I love the way you write about New York! Thank you thank you
I definitely agree with your sentiment that quarantine has given people time to think and reflect on relationships/systems/cities and whether they are actually serving us. I ended my relationship last month for this very reason - realizing that given all this time and space that our compatibility was something that I had doubts about long term. I know you've answered a question about breakups in a past newsletter (s/o to "Why I Ended a Happy Relationship"!), but was wondering if you had any insight on building community and belonging when everything is shifting. Some of these shifts are incredibly important and long overdue, but individually I feel so incredibly isolated (as I'm sure many, many others do too). It's confusing to have your personal identity shift alongside the entire world.
Thanks as always for your writing and perspective, I look forward to this newsletter every week.
Oh, man. LOVED reading Goodbye to All That. Love the 'things you consume' part every week, actually. Thanks to you I consume all these cool interesting things I never normally get the time to dig for-- plus they've made for great conversations I've had with people! I've been meaning to read Joan Didion for the longest time, and I was totally absorbed in that essay. Can't wait to read her books.
Thanks for this Haley. I've been trying to put words to those feelings for a long time. I've also accepted change and it is sad, but the way I was trying to sell my equivalent of the New York idea to myself and everyone I loved was stopping me from living. Thanks for the background song too :)
My sister also left our city in mid-May where we both decided to end up 3,000 miles away from our childhood home. Thank you for capturing the grief of losing your best friend and the understanding that this undeniably what’s right for them.
OMG I have the same eating method / discussion with my boyfriend about the same exact chocolate! team melty forever
Embarrassed to be the only one to ask hehe but where is your top from (love heart eyes)
❤️
Haley, I loved the opening paragraph about the weather. I live in a city where wild weather changes can happen suddenly (the phrase 'four seasons in one day' get used A LOT here, but it's accurate), and I love to stand at the window and watch the change sweep through. I feel safe and warm indoors, and awed by the power of the rain and the wind.
Reading this felt a bit like a return to the Haley’s writing that I fell in love with. I’m not sure why and I’m so grateful that you share all facets of yourself on the internet, but it has seemed a bit like you’ve been struggling over these past few months (like a lot of us have) and this, to me, read like you are back in your stride. Don’t know if that’s the case or not but figured it would be worth me sharing how it came across to me. Loved it.
"But this pause has helped me back away from that instinct; to assess my commitment to the city and my life more authentically, and as a result I feel more confident in both." I live in New York but I'm temporarily moving back in with my parents for a few months to save money as I hunt for a new job and new apartment. Lately I've been afraid that I'm going to get used to the comfort of living somewhere that isn't as expensive and stressful as the city and end up not wanting to return.
It's so strange to fear my own future decision, but your words helped me remember that I have agency, that I can use this opportunity away to re-commit to my life in New York and remember why I've been here for the last 5 years. A reminder that I can choose this life with intention, with all of its discomforts, challenges and joys. Thank you!