Learning pointless (but very fun) skills while living alone really helped me out a extra lonely funk. Nothing crazy… just like slight of hand tricks, juggling, origami, moon walking etc. It was helpful to have some low stakes “goals” and something to do besides doom scrolling after a long day. Also it’s always nice to have a random trick up your sleeve to make someone smile
Omg I totally relate to what you were saying about becoming more weird when I’m alone. My partner goes on business trips every few months and while he’s gone I find myself singing to myself, talking in the weirdest voices to my dog, and just generally talking to myself out loud. It’s strange and wonderful and I truly make myself laugh. Could not imagine if I lived alone though and was like this all the time I think my social skills would be toast. Glad to know I’m not alone!
I just read a book called “The Echo Chamber” and while it wasn’t particularly amazing, it features a girl who has a secret Twitter account just to troll her famous parents, boyfriend and all sorts of celebrities. I feel like people sometimes just get crazy with social media and lash out because they can and are anonymous. Don’t we all have shitty hateful thoughts sometimes? The internet def makes it easier to actually express it without being found out. But she should def confront to squash out behaviour like that whether they stay together or not. People should be confronted with the shit they themseves do
Granted it feels a little voyeuristic to read (I don’t know these people!) and I could see this coming across as overcompensating/mawkish to some, but it was thought-provoking for me to imagine what a wedding could look like that was informed by our desires and traditions but not limited by them!
And also now I really wanna know about the workshops teaching consent using grapes!!
Ditto LT that it was a delight having my question answered!! I was the wedding/marriage voicemail. You're 100% right that I can't get married and also claim to be against the whole institution. I've enjoyed hearing your criticisms of the beauty industry over the years, and I too am forgoing Botox/fillers/etc. despite their pull because I don't want to participate. It challenged me to consider that trying to make a marriage or a wedding anything other than what it is is just creating a logical cover story, and if I really want to push back against the whole thing, I have to not participate. If my partner and I do end up tying the knot, I solemnly swear to just own it <3
My defenses only came up surrounding my "which is bad enough" line about being in a hetero relationship which was 100% intended as sarcasm but which I was horrified to hear sounded completely earnest in the playback of my voicemail
Yes, my partner and I have already decided that if we do a ring, we won’t do a diamond at all! I’m not comfortable wearing something that expensive tbh haha and I don’t feel attached to the idea that an engagement ring must be a diamond. But I’m with you that more people who want a diamond should get a lab grown one. Ethical and apparently less likely to have physical flaws!
Thank you for taking our answers in stride!!! Really appreciate that bc we aren’t always the most delicate. I totally related to your question by the way!! I think a lot of people do. Also lol at the “bad enough” line, it did actually sound sarcastic now that I think about it hahaha
Also appreciate that you can relate! I always imagined you and Avi easily coming to the conclusion that you'd forgo marriage, but I guess in our culture it's impossible not to at least *consider* it, even if it isn't something you find it difficult to make a decision on
Honestly you all weren't even that hard on me haha I think everything you said was very fair and thoughtful!! And lol it's not a big deal, I was just like oh no they think I'm one of those people who thinks it's embarrassing to be straight
I loved the question/answers about living alone. I’ve lived alone for almost one year now and my advice is to be absurd. Celebrate the fact that this space and the way you live within it is entirely yours. I roast Brussels sprouts with garlic and onions way too often and don’t have to apologize for the smell. I turned my bathroom into a spa- complete with a Himalayan salt lamp, Buddha head (random secret Santa gift), and eucalyptus spray. When I laugh out loud I know it was because I thought something was genuinely funny and not just because a roommate is watching or reading something with me. Think about turning your apartment into the ultimate “you” cave. From doing this (and the obvious stuff- FaceTime friends more, go on walks, sit in a coffee shop, group fitness etc) I find I don’t really get lonely anymore, just bored.
Wow - this episode! Everything Haley said about living alone as being romanticized onscreen, but not really tracking wiith human nature, struck such a chord with me. I had literally never thought of it in this way and now I'm going to be thinking about it for days. Additionally, loved the whole conversation surrounding the last question.
Eloping is always an option! Of all of our "coupled" friends, we have all eloped (with 5 people or less and somewhere deep in the woods - shout out to CO where you can self solemnize!). We also didn't do diamonds or rings because that's not right for us, but no shade on anyone who does! Share your love or keep it between the two of you, be married, or not, go to a courthouse or have a wedding but whatever you do, do it for you.
If you take in people for the comune i’d like to sign in 💗
Learning pointless (but very fun) skills while living alone really helped me out a extra lonely funk. Nothing crazy… just like slight of hand tricks, juggling, origami, moon walking etc. It was helpful to have some low stakes “goals” and something to do besides doom scrolling after a long day. Also it’s always nice to have a random trick up your sleeve to make someone smile
Omg I totally relate to what you were saying about becoming more weird when I’m alone. My partner goes on business trips every few months and while he’s gone I find myself singing to myself, talking in the weirdest voices to my dog, and just generally talking to myself out loud. It’s strange and wonderful and I truly make myself laugh. Could not imagine if I lived alone though and was like this all the time I think my social skills would be toast. Glad to know I’m not alone!
I just read a book called “The Echo Chamber” and while it wasn’t particularly amazing, it features a girl who has a secret Twitter account just to troll her famous parents, boyfriend and all sorts of celebrities. I feel like people sometimes just get crazy with social media and lash out because they can and are anonymous. Don’t we all have shitty hateful thoughts sometimes? The internet def makes it easier to actually express it without being found out. But she should def confront to squash out behaviour like that whether they stay together or not. People should be confronted with the shit they themseves do
Danny is hot! we stan a hot chaotic man.
To the question asker re: if it’s possible to have a “progressive” wedding, I read a profile the other day of a wedding that reinterpreted traditions in a really different and meaningful way: https://torontolife.com/life/real-weddings-inside-a-multi-day-bash-on-a-private-island-in-muskoka/
Granted it feels a little voyeuristic to read (I don’t know these people!) and I could see this coming across as overcompensating/mawkish to some, but it was thought-provoking for me to imagine what a wedding could look like that was informed by our desires and traditions but not limited by them!
And also now I really wanna know about the workshops teaching consent using grapes!!
Ditto LT that it was a delight having my question answered!! I was the wedding/marriage voicemail. You're 100% right that I can't get married and also claim to be against the whole institution. I've enjoyed hearing your criticisms of the beauty industry over the years, and I too am forgoing Botox/fillers/etc. despite their pull because I don't want to participate. It challenged me to consider that trying to make a marriage or a wedding anything other than what it is is just creating a logical cover story, and if I really want to push back against the whole thing, I have to not participate. If my partner and I do end up tying the knot, I solemnly swear to just own it <3
My defenses only came up surrounding my "which is bad enough" line about being in a hetero relationship which was 100% intended as sarcasm but which I was horrified to hear sounded completely earnest in the playback of my voicemail
Ps such a small detail but you can get lab created diamonds that have the same resell as mined diamonds but are ethical.
Yes, my partner and I have already decided that if we do a ring, we won’t do a diamond at all! I’m not comfortable wearing something that expensive tbh haha and I don’t feel attached to the idea that an engagement ring must be a diamond. But I’m with you that more people who want a diamond should get a lab grown one. Ethical and apparently less likely to have physical flaws!
Thank you for taking our answers in stride!!! Really appreciate that bc we aren’t always the most delicate. I totally related to your question by the way!! I think a lot of people do. Also lol at the “bad enough” line, it did actually sound sarcastic now that I think about it hahaha
Also appreciate that you can relate! I always imagined you and Avi easily coming to the conclusion that you'd forgo marriage, but I guess in our culture it's impossible not to at least *consider* it, even if it isn't something you find it difficult to make a decision on
Honestly you all weren't even that hard on me haha I think everything you said was very fair and thoughtful!! And lol it's not a big deal, I was just like oh no they think I'm one of those people who thinks it's embarrassing to be straight
I loved the question/answers about living alone. I’ve lived alone for almost one year now and my advice is to be absurd. Celebrate the fact that this space and the way you live within it is entirely yours. I roast Brussels sprouts with garlic and onions way too often and don’t have to apologize for the smell. I turned my bathroom into a spa- complete with a Himalayan salt lamp, Buddha head (random secret Santa gift), and eucalyptus spray. When I laugh out loud I know it was because I thought something was genuinely funny and not just because a roommate is watching or reading something with me. Think about turning your apartment into the ultimate “you” cave. From doing this (and the obvious stuff- FaceTime friends more, go on walks, sit in a coffee shop, group fitness etc) I find I don’t really get lonely anymore, just bored.
petition to hear danny speak spanish on the pod
Hahaha 📝
Yay, I haven't listened yet but Dear Danny is the highlight of my month!
Based on the vibe of today’s comments I think you should consider changing the name of these eps to “Damn, Danny...”
Wow - this episode! Everything Haley said about living alone as being romanticized onscreen, but not really tracking wiith human nature, struck such a chord with me. I had literally never thought of it in this way and now I'm going to be thinking about it for days. Additionally, loved the whole conversation surrounding the last question.
Couldn't agree more!
Wait. Did we know Danny was hot?
No!
I’m listening rn. What is the twitter handle 😭
Agree. Need to know more!!
Omg I know 😭
Eloping is always an option! Of all of our "coupled" friends, we have all eloped (with 5 people or less and somewhere deep in the woods - shout out to CO where you can self solemnize!). We also didn't do diamonds or rings because that's not right for us, but no shade on anyone who does! Share your love or keep it between the two of you, be married, or not, go to a courthouse or have a wedding but whatever you do, do it for you.
i've been away from brooklyn for many months of fieldwork abroad + this podcast has been so wonderful + comforting, thank you