So special, Haley! Somatic experiencing + internal family systems (both with my beloved therapist and solo) have together changed my life! Dramatic but true. Enjoy your explorations, should they continue!
A few years ago I went on a couple of months long trip overseas, always in the company of other people (family, friends, new friends I’d previously only known online) - and didn’t have any time 100% alone until the final week of travel. When I said farewell to my last friend of the trip, I walked upstairs to my hotel room, closed the door, and burst into tears. I cried for about two hours and years later I still have no idea what I was crying about - saying goodbye to a new friend I’d loved spending time with so much? Processing two months of emotions now that I was finally alone and able to feel everything? Who knows! But it was honestly one of the most memorable parts of the entire trip. So interesting to read this now and think back on that experience then!
I was in therapy for a couple years and at the end of our round my therapist said « it seems like you are unable to be in touch with what you really desire/feel ». I stopped seeing him and a year later started EMDR which is way more physical and could feel such an overwhelming difference after only the first session.
Sometimes it feels like nerds like us really « disinvest » in bodily experiences, because they’re trite or trivial or whatever but really there is a lot of richness in remembering that we do live in these bodies after all!!
I've been thinking about this concept all morning, of actually allowing the feeling to exist and be felt. Wanting to chime in to add something that has been super powerful for me to work on: allowing yourself to feel the *good* things too. It's weird how easily I can meet something, like joy, with the urge to downplay or sort of side step as though it's a piece of furniture in the way. Allow joy to grow bigger too! The effects are so much more durable and contagious.
I spent yesterday on the couch with my best friend, mulling over every detail of a recently ill-fated romantic relationship (if I say "situationship" as a 28 year old woman, I will turn into a pillar of salt). After I'd exhausted every "but" and "what if" I thought about how badly I just wanted to cry in the shower instead hahaha. Our bodies are pretty good at knowing what we need.
Thanks for sharing Haley!! Your words were really helpful today :)
I've been on a similar journey of moving from overthinking to raw experience / sensation. Like you, I appreciate the gifts my narrativizing, analytical brain give me--I like identifying patterns and sensemaking through conversation and writing. But our biggest gifts can also constitute our shadow and, as you mention, be used as avoidance tactics.
One of the reasons that I love yoga so much is that it will bring up feelings like this where you have to let yourself feel it and move through it without analyzing it. There is no time to over-intellectualize, you can only physically feel the emotions. It’s really liberating!
somatic therapy has been transformative for me in ways talk therapy never felt like I was actually able to move through anything, just circle the same habits again and again in new contexts. sound healing and body work have allowed me to shift ways of thinking and ways of being to more aligned with how I want to "show up" in the world. this was validating and pleasurable for me to read. super relatable.
Very similar to when you just need to vent about a problem but don’t need a solution or answer - The pit in our stomach, the flurry in our chest, is our emotions wanting to be acknowledged. It’s so easy to mistake acknowledgment for being understood, but really all they need is to be given our consent to exist. When we acknowledge their existence in the room with us, in our body, acknowledge their physical presence, it’s incredibly how quickly they move through us and maybe become easier to understand, too. This has been my most invaluable but also most difficult lesson from therapy, as a fellow chronic intellectualizer!
I find it most helpful to treat my emotions like the weather. For our ancestors, extreme weather events were terrifying, and so they created stories about why they were happening (gods being angered, etc), which lead to elaborate rituals to prevent them from happening (sacrifices, etc). Because they wanted to find a way to feel in control. But as we all know, you cannot control the weather. So now when I have those “pit in my stomach” days and I’m looking for a reason, I try to remind myself “I do not need to write a story about why this storm is happening. I just need to take shelter and wait for it to pass.” I also really like your friend’s advice about making it grow bigger. I’ll try to remember to add that to my practice.
Huge fan of this. Often I’ll talk myself into crisis with those pit of stomach days, rather than just letting the storm pass.
My mum has always been very pro linking up the body and emotion more in the context of hormones and menstrual cycles. When I was a teenager I rallied against it as it made me feel like my feelings weren’t taken seriously if it happened to be just before my period, and I didn’t like the sexist undertones of women’s bodies making them emotional.
Now though I really like thinking ‘seasonally’: period = winter (need more sleep, bedding in, less social), then into spring, summer (social! energised! optimistic!), autumn (winding down again). Really helps to remove judgement much like your weather system, and think of these shifts as natural and not totalising
So special, Haley! Somatic experiencing + internal family systems (both with my beloved therapist and solo) have together changed my life! Dramatic but true. Enjoy your explorations, should they continue!
A few years ago I went on a couple of months long trip overseas, always in the company of other people (family, friends, new friends I’d previously only known online) - and didn’t have any time 100% alone until the final week of travel. When I said farewell to my last friend of the trip, I walked upstairs to my hotel room, closed the door, and burst into tears. I cried for about two hours and years later I still have no idea what I was crying about - saying goodbye to a new friend I’d loved spending time with so much? Processing two months of emotions now that I was finally alone and able to feel everything? Who knows! But it was honestly one of the most memorable parts of the entire trip. So interesting to read this now and think back on that experience then!
Thank you for writing this - really powerful and illuminating for me ❤️
Thank you Haley! I loved this 😍
I was in therapy for a couple years and at the end of our round my therapist said « it seems like you are unable to be in touch with what you really desire/feel ». I stopped seeing him and a year later started EMDR which is way more physical and could feel such an overwhelming difference after only the first session.
Sometimes it feels like nerds like us really « disinvest » in bodily experiences, because they’re trite or trivial or whatever but really there is a lot of richness in remembering that we do live in these bodies after all!!
Also really needed this, thank you <3
needed this - thank u haley and other commenters :)
I've been thinking about this concept all morning, of actually allowing the feeling to exist and be felt. Wanting to chime in to add something that has been super powerful for me to work on: allowing yourself to feel the *good* things too. It's weird how easily I can meet something, like joy, with the urge to downplay or sort of side step as though it's a piece of furniture in the way. Allow joy to grow bigger too! The effects are so much more durable and contagious.
Heyyyy this came exactly when I needed it!!
I spent yesterday on the couch with my best friend, mulling over every detail of a recently ill-fated romantic relationship (if I say "situationship" as a 28 year old woman, I will turn into a pillar of salt). After I'd exhausted every "but" and "what if" I thought about how badly I just wanted to cry in the shower instead hahaha. Our bodies are pretty good at knowing what we need.
Thanks for sharing Haley!! Your words were really helpful today :)
I've been on a similar journey of moving from overthinking to raw experience / sensation. Like you, I appreciate the gifts my narrativizing, analytical brain give me--I like identifying patterns and sensemaking through conversation and writing. But our biggest gifts can also constitute our shadow and, as you mention, be used as avoidance tactics.
My thoughts from last summer: https://soupyphase.substack.com/p/4-summer-of-somatics
Thank you, Haley. This was pretty amazing. Also the Beauty and the Beast notebook page…!
One of the reasons that I love yoga so much is that it will bring up feelings like this where you have to let yourself feel it and move through it without analyzing it. There is no time to over-intellectualize, you can only physically feel the emotions. It’s really liberating!
yes, this reminded me of my practice too <3
somatic therapy has been transformative for me in ways talk therapy never felt like I was actually able to move through anything, just circle the same habits again and again in new contexts. sound healing and body work have allowed me to shift ways of thinking and ways of being to more aligned with how I want to "show up" in the world. this was validating and pleasurable for me to read. super relatable.
Your childhood note says, "Hhaalleeyy"! You probably realized that already. I teach 5 year olds and it is so fun to decode their writing.
Omg I did not notice 😭😭😭
Very similar to when you just need to vent about a problem but don’t need a solution or answer - The pit in our stomach, the flurry in our chest, is our emotions wanting to be acknowledged. It’s so easy to mistake acknowledgment for being understood, but really all they need is to be given our consent to exist. When we acknowledge their existence in the room with us, in our body, acknowledge their physical presence, it’s incredibly how quickly they move through us and maybe become easier to understand, too. This has been my most invaluable but also most difficult lesson from therapy, as a fellow chronic intellectualizer!
I find it most helpful to treat my emotions like the weather. For our ancestors, extreme weather events were terrifying, and so they created stories about why they were happening (gods being angered, etc), which lead to elaborate rituals to prevent them from happening (sacrifices, etc). Because they wanted to find a way to feel in control. But as we all know, you cannot control the weather. So now when I have those “pit in my stomach” days and I’m looking for a reason, I try to remind myself “I do not need to write a story about why this storm is happening. I just need to take shelter and wait for it to pass.” I also really like your friend’s advice about making it grow bigger. I’ll try to remember to add that to my practice.
Huge fan of this. Often I’ll talk myself into crisis with those pit of stomach days, rather than just letting the storm pass.
My mum has always been very pro linking up the body and emotion more in the context of hormones and menstrual cycles. When I was a teenager I rallied against it as it made me feel like my feelings weren’t taken seriously if it happened to be just before my period, and I didn’t like the sexist undertones of women’s bodies making them emotional.
Now though I really like thinking ‘seasonally’: period = winter (need more sleep, bedding in, less social), then into spring, summer (social! energised! optimistic!), autumn (winding down again). Really helps to remove judgement much like your weather system, and think of these shifts as natural and not totalising
absolutely!! emotions are weather, mental health is climate
oh I love this 🩵