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Serene Eighteen's avatar

Haley! So strange that you’ve decided to discuss anti-natalism, I’ve known of this school of thought for a while but I’ve been reading Emil Cioran’s “the trouble with being born” (I think this is the official English title, but I’m reading it in French, where it’s called “l’inconvénient d’être né”, quite literally, “the disadvantage of being born”) and it’s very much the main idea. It’s a collection of aphorisms, and I think a few of them are expressed in jest, at least to some degree, because as you have noted it’s impossible not to see the humor in a live person earnestly lamenting the very state in which they choose to remain (suicide is always an option). I must say I’ve always felt deeply embarrassed by the degree to which this philosophy resonates with me. My father tells me that when I was 7, I went up to him and said “Dad, I made a mistake...I was born”. Lol. Maybe I’m more depressed or jaded than I perceive myself to be, but even at my happiest, I can’t help but see the philosophical merit, contrary to you (and every other pundit and journalist who’s ever commented on anti-natalism). I think, on some level, I feel a certain pressure to reject these ideas or to find them ridiculous, and I try not to entertain them. But when I’m honest with myself, I have to admit that I see no real point in all the pain we endure. I can’t romanticize it, and any attempt to inject “nuance”, like you mentioned, by invoking the joy and humor that can be found in spite of the suffering or alongside it, feels like I’m conveniently lying to myself because I’ve been conditioned by society and programmed by billions of year of evolution to hold on to existence with every fibre of my being. It’s also interesting that you mention how much more strongly you’ve felt it when Avi was away and you had to live in “listless solitude”. I’ve been single for three years and I’ve never been lonelier, 8 months into a global pandemic. I would give up a limb to only feel loneliness for two weeks a year. Maybe your relationship status changes your perspective on a lot of things (would a single woman as easily eschew makeup or shaving when there’s no one to validate her attractiveness? I digress...)

That said even when I’ve been in relationships, surrounded by friends and family, I never formed too deep of an attachment to the concept of being alive. Yet I am still here with no intention of going anywhere. It will all be over soon anyway. Like Dorothy Parker said, “you might as well live”.

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Summer's avatar

Your writing about anti-natalism reminded me of this book called I, Rigoberta Menchu about an indigenous Mayan woman living in what is now Guatemala. In the beginning of the book she writes about how when a baby is born in Mayan culture (and they have many babies), the family and community all come together to mourn and grieve, because the baby is going to endure so much suffering throughout its life. That framing has become really important to me in thinking about having my own children; it feels like a way to avoid the Cartesian rigidity that anti-natalism asserts, without putting one's head in the sand and avoiding all the *very legitimate* indications that we should not be bringing more humans onto this planetary precipice with us, only to peer over into the abyss.

I'm always here for a Goldfinch quote...thanks for adding so much joy and substance to my Sunday mornings!

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