Last week I didn’t open the front door of my apartment for three days, obliterating rule #4 as if I hadn’t written it myself. In my defense, I was busy with a copywriting gig (rather than depressed), but still, by day four I woke up feeling like a corn husk. Dry, papery, disposable. So I forced myself on a short walk.
I just wanted to say that I am a big fan of your writing. Could relate to many of the things you said as someone who writes herself - the fear of appearing overly emotional, constantly questioning the kind of writer you want to be, etc. - and found a lot of this comforting. "The hairpin turns that make up a life." I loved that. Keep writing! I'll keep reading. :)
Hi, this is really what I wanted to read at this exact moment, your work always finds ways to help me reckon with myself, gently. You express this worry about the softness you're expressing but it's this exact softness that we need if you've ever read Mark Fisher, a scholar who wrote extensively on capitalism, then you will know that capitalism takes so much from us, more than a lot of are willing to admit. I think if we are to be different after this pandemic, then perhaps all we can really do is lean into ourselves. If we open the door to be more sentimental, there is something so intrinsically human about this that goes against what success narratives tell us we shouldn't be doing, so this is all to say: thank you.
Whatever turns your work takes in this time, know that your words are and have been a place of comfort and home for people like me, who feel so incredibly lost in this time.
This is personally what I want your newsletter to be; whatever you need it to be at the time. That’s what’s so refreshing about your writing. I don’t think it needs to be limited by a definition.
Hi! Thanks for these newsletters! I like reading them.
Re: downplaying concerns about career aspiration etc. during global pandemic: I've been thinking a lot about hedonic treadmill but in terms of my own individual emotional needs that don't seem to realize that I'm as privileged as I am (I mean...before the pandemic but also especially during the pandemic). If life can feel relatively fine regardless of circumstances, then it can also feel relatively shitty regardless of circumstances. If I'm self aware about my privilege and actively trying to recognize it, can I simultaneously not feel so guilty about taking my own shit seriously even though it's not as serious as other people's shit? Maybe it's impossible for my animal brain to know that I'm safe and lucky etc., but it is possible to contain multitudes and you can't pour from an empty cup and all that? Or is this just an excuse to make myself feel better for having petty problems? Hmm.
F****** LOVED this newsletter. Brutally and emotionally honest, which may be the perfect bridge between irony/edge and romantical/emotional. And « banal » enough (in a very very positive way) that I relate to it 100% from France and probably a different cultural/societal. background. Thank you for your work.
You talking about going soft (despite always having „been resistant to my own mushiness") and wanting to be a certain kind of writer resonated with me a lot.
I have a fear of being (too) soft or sentimental in my own work and have always been trying to avoid it at all cost or toned it down (not because I wanted to but because felt like I had to). For a long time being soft / emotional / sentimental for me meant being "girly". I don't know why I found "girly" to be negative but something apparently told me that being a woman and talking about feelings and emotions is too much. Sometimes I forget that I have moved on from that kind of thinking and have to remind myself that to me it isn’t too soft, to me it feels right. It feels like my voice. Everything else would be dishonest and probably make me even more insecure because I would have to write as a version of myself that I don’t know how to be. Even if that piece of work would appeal to more people or Certain people it still wouldn’t sit right with me, it wouldn’t make up for the changes that I have to make to myself in order to be recognized by them.
Also, I really liked your piece for The Cut! Your writing about mental health has helped me get rid of the stigma surrounding it and making the space for it a kinder one.
Dear Haley, just wanted to say thank you. I have always enjoyed your writing on Manrepeller and I have a weird obsession with writers writing about writing, so I am enjoying reading about the process tremendously. Thank you so much for letting us be a part and making a bit more sense of these strange times. Sending sun from Berlin.
It's interesting that the New York literary world is so opposed to sentimentality when I've found the outdoor writing community to be quite the opposite. This morning I read an Orion article by Pam Houston and Amy Irvine re: quarantine and griped to several friends about the cloying nature of female outdoor writing. Like most industries, the outdoor literature community is run by men, who are allowed to have various types of narratives but expect women to be defined by our emotional journeys outside. We fall to our knees in awe, hear our mother's voice in the birds, etc etc. We don't mention the men who give us unsolicited directions or the fact that maybe we recreate outdoors for no other reason but to challenge ourselves because this is seen cold/unrelatable/less impactful. So I feel like sentimentality shouldn't necessarily be an aspiration in itself - you can be earnest and vulnerable without being nauseating. It's the difference between falling in love with Cowboys Are My Weakness and giving up on another Terry Tempest Williams book.
Hi Haley - I have also been talking about boundaries with my therapist too because I really struggled with 1) doing therapy at home and 2) working at home, especially because I started this school year not wanting to bring grading, planning, etc home so I could work on balance. My partner helped me make a desk using our dining room table, which has really helped. And I'm thankful that we have a back room I can make my "therapy space" because it feels so odd to not be in an office. It's really important for me to go to a separate space to talk, close the door, and be able to visualize all of the things I discussed staying behind the closed door (leaving some baggage behind, etc). Thanks for sharing all of your thoughts! It really makes my week.
Thank you, Haley, for being vulnerable! Especially in these times. And, also, thank you for recommending Phoebe Bridgers. Love! Best wishes from Germany.
I work as an artist and usually my artistic practice is very autobiographic and emotional (which is both a pleasure to be true to yourself and also a pure torture). So your newsletter was very relatable somehow.
At the moment I'm reading Jonas Mekas I Had Nowhere to Go (Highly recommend), I love his artistic practice and how he lived his life together with his art. Not separating one from another. Thats why I love your writing and your energy. I can feel it's pure and very needed at the moment. Thank you!
Love this thought by Jonas Mekas: "You go through life as a sleepwalker until something unexpectedly stops you, jumps at you, touches you, and then you look. There are sounds all around and suddenly you listen to something. Why? Because your whole past dictates to which things you are attracted at certain moments. You notice something and you don’t know why"
I just wanted to say that I am a big fan of your writing. Could relate to many of the things you said as someone who writes herself - the fear of appearing overly emotional, constantly questioning the kind of writer you want to be, etc. - and found a lot of this comforting. "The hairpin turns that make up a life." I loved that. Keep writing! I'll keep reading. :)
Hi, this is really what I wanted to read at this exact moment, your work always finds ways to help me reckon with myself, gently. You express this worry about the softness you're expressing but it's this exact softness that we need if you've ever read Mark Fisher, a scholar who wrote extensively on capitalism, then you will know that capitalism takes so much from us, more than a lot of are willing to admit. I think if we are to be different after this pandemic, then perhaps all we can really do is lean into ourselves. If we open the door to be more sentimental, there is something so intrinsically human about this that goes against what success narratives tell us we shouldn't be doing, so this is all to say: thank you.
Whatever turns your work takes in this time, know that your words are and have been a place of comfort and home for people like me, who feel so incredibly lost in this time.
This is personally what I want your newsletter to be; whatever you need it to be at the time. That’s what’s so refreshing about your writing. I don’t think it needs to be limited by a definition.
Hi! Thanks for these newsletters! I like reading them.
Re: downplaying concerns about career aspiration etc. during global pandemic: I've been thinking a lot about hedonic treadmill but in terms of my own individual emotional needs that don't seem to realize that I'm as privileged as I am (I mean...before the pandemic but also especially during the pandemic). If life can feel relatively fine regardless of circumstances, then it can also feel relatively shitty regardless of circumstances. If I'm self aware about my privilege and actively trying to recognize it, can I simultaneously not feel so guilty about taking my own shit seriously even though it's not as serious as other people's shit? Maybe it's impossible for my animal brain to know that I'm safe and lucky etc., but it is possible to contain multitudes and you can't pour from an empty cup and all that? Or is this just an excuse to make myself feel better for having petty problems? Hmm.
F****** LOVED this newsletter. Brutally and emotionally honest, which may be the perfect bridge between irony/edge and romantical/emotional. And « banal » enough (in a very very positive way) that I relate to it 100% from France and probably a different cultural/societal. background. Thank you for your work.
that desk is perfect for my small space. can I ask where you got it? thanks!
Hi! From where is the tiny desk? Thank you!
Hey Haley, just discovering your newsletter today and also just us figure finding out you’re no longer at man Repeller.
Strangely woke up today craving your writing and I went to read your old articles at MR, which lead me here.
I really like how heartfelt your writing feels.
Your newsletter is exactly what I thought it would be.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us over and over again.
I look forward to email alerts of your new writings ❤️
A few notes on this (not that you asked, lol)
- “there’s no such thing as a fool-proof plan when life makes fools of all of us.” THIS 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
- My solve for the aux cord issue is a Bluetooth speaker (nothing wrong w/ Hot 97!)
- If you’d like more of Kristen Wiig (albeit not Liza-esque), watch ‘Girl Most Likely’ if you haven’t already
I needed this right now. Thank you.
* Also, your new desk is amazing and perfect and simple and I need it. OK bye.
Hi Haley!
You talking about going soft (despite always having „been resistant to my own mushiness") and wanting to be a certain kind of writer resonated with me a lot.
I have a fear of being (too) soft or sentimental in my own work and have always been trying to avoid it at all cost or toned it down (not because I wanted to but because felt like I had to). For a long time being soft / emotional / sentimental for me meant being "girly". I don't know why I found "girly" to be negative but something apparently told me that being a woman and talking about feelings and emotions is too much. Sometimes I forget that I have moved on from that kind of thinking and have to remind myself that to me it isn’t too soft, to me it feels right. It feels like my voice. Everything else would be dishonest and probably make me even more insecure because I would have to write as a version of myself that I don’t know how to be. Even if that piece of work would appeal to more people or Certain people it still wouldn’t sit right with me, it wouldn’t make up for the changes that I have to make to myself in order to be recognized by them.
Also, I really liked your piece for The Cut! Your writing about mental health has helped me get rid of the stigma surrounding it and making the space for it a kinder one.
Dear Haley, just wanted to say thank you. I have always enjoyed your writing on Manrepeller and I have a weird obsession with writers writing about writing, so I am enjoying reading about the process tremendously. Thank you so much for letting us be a part and making a bit more sense of these strange times. Sending sun from Berlin.
It's interesting that the New York literary world is so opposed to sentimentality when I've found the outdoor writing community to be quite the opposite. This morning I read an Orion article by Pam Houston and Amy Irvine re: quarantine and griped to several friends about the cloying nature of female outdoor writing. Like most industries, the outdoor literature community is run by men, who are allowed to have various types of narratives but expect women to be defined by our emotional journeys outside. We fall to our knees in awe, hear our mother's voice in the birds, etc etc. We don't mention the men who give us unsolicited directions or the fact that maybe we recreate outdoors for no other reason but to challenge ourselves because this is seen cold/unrelatable/less impactful. So I feel like sentimentality shouldn't necessarily be an aspiration in itself - you can be earnest and vulnerable without being nauseating. It's the difference between falling in love with Cowboys Are My Weakness and giving up on another Terry Tempest Williams book.
Hi Haley - I have also been talking about boundaries with my therapist too because I really struggled with 1) doing therapy at home and 2) working at home, especially because I started this school year not wanting to bring grading, planning, etc home so I could work on balance. My partner helped me make a desk using our dining room table, which has really helped. And I'm thankful that we have a back room I can make my "therapy space" because it feels so odd to not be in an office. It's really important for me to go to a separate space to talk, close the door, and be able to visualize all of the things I discussed staying behind the closed door (leaving some baggage behind, etc). Thanks for sharing all of your thoughts! It really makes my week.
Thank you, Haley, for being vulnerable! Especially in these times. And, also, thank you for recommending Phoebe Bridgers. Love! Best wishes from Germany.
Dear Haley,
I work as an artist and usually my artistic practice is very autobiographic and emotional (which is both a pleasure to be true to yourself and also a pure torture). So your newsletter was very relatable somehow.
At the moment I'm reading Jonas Mekas I Had Nowhere to Go (Highly recommend), I love his artistic practice and how he lived his life together with his art. Not separating one from another. Thats why I love your writing and your energy. I can feel it's pure and very needed at the moment. Thank you!
Love this thought by Jonas Mekas: "You go through life as a sleepwalker until something unexpectedly stops you, jumps at you, touches you, and then you look. There are sounds all around and suddenly you listen to something. Why? Because your whole past dictates to which things you are attracted at certain moments. You notice something and you don’t know why"
Reading your newsletter is such a pleasure, your writing and content <3 You're a gem!