I love the double layer of wonderment in your brother’s quest to get you to experience something with very few prior details, just pure trust- a situation where the bases of your kiddo’s care are covered so there’s no wonder there. All wonder, upon arrival to a secret place could be focused on what magical event might take place. It’s fun to think specifically about how your mind must have been swirling, and hell, let’s add a triple layer of wonder- your brother at your home with his own mind swirling around how you were experiencing. Very sweet to think about. I will be looking for more Just Trust Me moments to give and get in my own life.
I used to work with a girl who was Ricky Jays archivist and librarian and she told me there is a magic library in midtown that only magicians can enter and I’ve never googled it because I like what I’m picturing more than what is likely reality.
What a sweet memory of you and your mom making up facts about Ireland together!! I love that because it's a helpful reminder (as someone who is trying to become a parent, and also as someone who has just completed a PhD) that sometimes gaining and passing on knowledge is less important than sharing a human moment of unknowing/uncertainty with your kid (especially in relation to - gasp - a school assignment!) and bonding with them. I'm sure any real facts you learned about Ireland for that assignment would not have had the same lasting impact as that experience of shared humor and imagination with your mom <3
“To wonder is a human impulse and a bottomless well of a gift, not a problem to constantly solve.” I love this!!!!
My partner can do a couple of slight of hand card tricks really well. I have made him do them for me endlessly, blown away each time. I once begged him to break the magicians code and break down the trick for me. Not only did I not even understand how it was possible when given the answer, it was like my brain actively tried to unhear the answer I was given to preserve the wonder. I let myself forget the explanation. It’s really best not to know sometimes.
On the answer procurement point, I am a prolific Googler and now use AI at work all the time. I reach for answers constantly; I never wonder. However I had an experience last week where I was nursing my dying gran and we had been told that once they stop peeing, the body is shutting down. Sure enough she did stop peeing and my brother asked in panic “how long after, how long after?”. I reach for my phone to ask the internet how long we had left with her and I then was struck with this really strong sense that there are some things Google/AI cannot - or should not - tell you. I really felt we just had to sit with it. (Which we did). This experience plus this essay has made me think I need to leave more space for wonderment in my life!
I texted Four Thousand Weeks in a group chat with my mom and sister (mostly for my sister to read), and my mom responded two seconds later with the book summarized into five bullet points by ChatGPT.
Love all of this! Been having this exact conversation with a coworker lately re: the beauty of wonder and also trying to teach ourselves how to more actively eschew all our outlets for instant answers. Her young son recently asked her a question that she didn't know the answer to, to which he then said, "just look it up on your phone." She flat-out refused and told him to "just enjoy wondering. We don't need the answer." This is my new guiding principle.
Oo I think this concept is so interestingly explored in the show Mrs. Davis, which draws explicit comparisons between magicians and a sincere belief in God - it also has a lot to say about AI as well. Without giving too much away, the protagonist wrestles with the fact that suspension of disbelief requires a lot of trust - you have to trust that the person “tricking” you is leading you somewhere good, with your best interests at heart. Which I think for the most part, magicians are; it’s less about tricking you and more about producing a sense of wonder. It’s a very weird and surreal show, definitely not for everyone, but I’m always showing it to my friends and saying “just trust me” lol
All time essay for me. Haley, I have really enjoyed everything you've written post parenthood about letting go of expectations. I feel like this essay is in conversation your no plans nirvana piece and the "am I ready for kids" questioner here https://haleynahman.substack.com/p/206-hosting-parties-having-babies which are two other letters I think about often!
More about fear, less about wonder, but I am always saying “there are just some things we shouldn’t know.” It’s about the bottom of the ocean and ring cameras mostly but other things too.
Feeling highly the same about ring cameras!! Genuinely so often, what we don't know doesn't hurt us. Maybe the weird guy staring at your house just likes the door.
I keep having some version of this conversation lately!! Mostly recently with a 56 year old coworker at his going away happy hour (lots of questions about what it was like to be young in Seattle in the late 90s/early 2000s). Even with my AI doom (environmental engineer ugh), I’m feeling hopeful that lots of us are reaching the point of wanting more wonder/not-knowing in our lives. Also feels like kismet that I have I Who Have Never Known Men slated for my no-phone camping trip next week. Really really loved this one, and I’m going to think about it/your essays on “the death of sex” (feel relevant here!) for a while!
Read this essay earlier today and I'm currently watching a Homeworthy home tour where the person mentions some thoughts that reflect this essay's exact sentiment. I felt compelled to share (And also because I'm enjoying this home tour and I think Maybe Baby readers/Haley might enjoy as well :) )
Such a sweet and genuine reflection on wonder. There’s so much to be said about our disappearing imaginations, and what we get to experience in those small gaps of knowledge. Somewhat similar my partner and I had just had a vibrant discussion with our friends (tiki drink fueled of course) about the importance of being right. Of course facts are facts and there’s an importance to true and real information, but what about the little things? Things you can sit around a table and playfully bicker about round table style without someone setting off to a search engine to prove something, and going to bed still wondering. Waiting for the day you end up in the presence of the right answer and get to go “AHH!”. Happy Sunday, thank you for this.
I also recently read I Who Have Never Known Men and could not get over it! Also finished Katie Kitamura’s new book Audition! I imagine it’s not for everyone but I liked it a lot. Truly gets the brain working like I could read it 10 times over and have a new interpretation every time.
I can’t believe I didn’t connect this essay with I Who Have Never Known Men!! Must have been happening on a subconscious level. I want to read Audition!
I love the double layer of wonderment in your brother’s quest to get you to experience something with very few prior details, just pure trust- a situation where the bases of your kiddo’s care are covered so there’s no wonder there. All wonder, upon arrival to a secret place could be focused on what magical event might take place. It’s fun to think specifically about how your mind must have been swirling, and hell, let’s add a triple layer of wonder- your brother at your home with his own mind swirling around how you were experiencing. Very sweet to think about. I will be looking for more Just Trust Me moments to give and get in my own life.
The sweetest description 🥲
I used to work with a girl who was Ricky Jays archivist and librarian and she told me there is a magic library in midtown that only magicians can enter and I’ve never googled it because I like what I’m picturing more than what is likely reality.
Ricky jay’s archivist!!
As a fellow archivist, I would love to hear about her working with Ricky Jay (and check out the museum, even though I’m not a magician).
Amazing
an all-timer maybe baby essay. thank you.
What a sweet memory of you and your mom making up facts about Ireland together!! I love that because it's a helpful reminder (as someone who is trying to become a parent, and also as someone who has just completed a PhD) that sometimes gaining and passing on knowledge is less important than sharing a human moment of unknowing/uncertainty with your kid (especially in relation to - gasp - a school assignment!) and bonding with them. I'm sure any real facts you learned about Ireland for that assignment would not have had the same lasting impact as that experience of shared humor and imagination with your mom <3
Yes totally!! 🥲 A good reminder for me too
“To wonder is a human impulse and a bottomless well of a gift, not a problem to constantly solve.” I love this!!!!
My partner can do a couple of slight of hand card tricks really well. I have made him do them for me endlessly, blown away each time. I once begged him to break the magicians code and break down the trick for me. Not only did I not even understand how it was possible when given the answer, it was like my brain actively tried to unhear the answer I was given to preserve the wonder. I let myself forget the explanation. It’s really best not to know sometimes.
On the answer procurement point, I am a prolific Googler and now use AI at work all the time. I reach for answers constantly; I never wonder. However I had an experience last week where I was nursing my dying gran and we had been told that once they stop peeing, the body is shutting down. Sure enough she did stop peeing and my brother asked in panic “how long after, how long after?”. I reach for my phone to ask the internet how long we had left with her and I then was struck with this really strong sense that there are some things Google/AI cannot - or should not - tell you. I really felt we just had to sit with it. (Which we did). This experience plus this essay has made me think I need to leave more space for wonderment in my life!
I texted Four Thousand Weeks in a group chat with my mom and sister (mostly for my sister to read), and my mom responded two seconds later with the book summarized into five bullet points by ChatGPT.
Omg the irony 😭😭😭
Oh NOOO!
I haaaaaaate that
Love all of this! Been having this exact conversation with a coworker lately re: the beauty of wonder and also trying to teach ourselves how to more actively eschew all our outlets for instant answers. Her young son recently asked her a question that she didn't know the answer to, to which he then said, "just look it up on your phone." She flat-out refused and told him to "just enjoy wondering. We don't need the answer." This is my new guiding principle.
“Just look it up on your phone” nooo hahaha
Oo I think this concept is so interestingly explored in the show Mrs. Davis, which draws explicit comparisons between magicians and a sincere belief in God - it also has a lot to say about AI as well. Without giving too much away, the protagonist wrestles with the fact that suspension of disbelief requires a lot of trust - you have to trust that the person “tricking” you is leading you somewhere good, with your best interests at heart. Which I think for the most part, magicians are; it’s less about tricking you and more about producing a sense of wonder. It’s a very weird and surreal show, definitely not for everyone, but I’m always showing it to my friends and saying “just trust me” lol
All time essay for me. Haley, I have really enjoyed everything you've written post parenthood about letting go of expectations. I feel like this essay is in conversation your no plans nirvana piece and the "am I ready for kids" questioner here https://haleynahman.substack.com/p/206-hosting-parties-having-babies which are two other letters I think about often!
Thank you thank you!! I definitely see that too
In the best way, this essay brought me to tears. Such a thoughtful reflection and exactly what I needed to read. Thank you!
More about fear, less about wonder, but I am always saying “there are just some things we shouldn’t know.” It’s about the bottom of the ocean and ring cameras mostly but other things too.
Feeling highly the same about ring cameras!! Genuinely so often, what we don't know doesn't hurt us. Maybe the weird guy staring at your house just likes the door.
I keep having some version of this conversation lately!! Mostly recently with a 56 year old coworker at his going away happy hour (lots of questions about what it was like to be young in Seattle in the late 90s/early 2000s). Even with my AI doom (environmental engineer ugh), I’m feeling hopeful that lots of us are reaching the point of wanting more wonder/not-knowing in our lives. Also feels like kismet that I have I Who Have Never Known Men slated for my no-phone camping trip next week. Really really loved this one, and I’m going to think about it/your essays on “the death of sex” (feel relevant here!) for a while!
Read this essay earlier today and I'm currently watching a Homeworthy home tour where the person mentions some thoughts that reflect this essay's exact sentiment. I felt compelled to share (And also because I'm enjoying this home tour and I think Maybe Baby readers/Haley might enjoy as well :) )
The youtube video is:
HOME TOUR | Inside A Chef's Eclectic 375 Sq Ft Brooklyn Home + Garden-Inspired Olive Oil Cake (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4LEzJgIBoI&ab_channel=Homeworthy)
Minute 13:39 - 14:57
Such a sweet and genuine reflection on wonder. There’s so much to be said about our disappearing imaginations, and what we get to experience in those small gaps of knowledge. Somewhat similar my partner and I had just had a vibrant discussion with our friends (tiki drink fueled of course) about the importance of being right. Of course facts are facts and there’s an importance to true and real information, but what about the little things? Things you can sit around a table and playfully bicker about round table style without someone setting off to a search engine to prove something, and going to bed still wondering. Waiting for the day you end up in the presence of the right answer and get to go “AHH!”. Happy Sunday, thank you for this.
I also recently read I Who Have Never Known Men and could not get over it! Also finished Katie Kitamura’s new book Audition! I imagine it’s not for everyone but I liked it a lot. Truly gets the brain working like I could read it 10 times over and have a new interpretation every time.
I can’t believe I didn’t connect this essay with I Who Have Never Known Men!! Must have been happening on a subconscious level. I want to read Audition!