#202: A Maybe Baby year in review

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Hello!

Well, the year has bravely decided to end. Today I’m rounding up (and categorizing) everything I published in 2024—the essays I wrote, the questions I answered for Dear Baby, the recs you gave me, my favorite articles of the year, and the podcasts episodes I put out. I hope this helps you find things you may have missed or remember reading but can never find (happens to me a lot). In sections that round up primarily paid content, I’ve bolded anything that’s available for free, whether because it appears before the paywall or some other reason.

Since launching Maybe Baby in 2020, I’d say this year was my weirdest. I started out on maternity leave, came back bursting with ideas, burned out quickly, pared back my publishing schedule, then slowly brought it back. I don’t want to overpromise, but I have a good feeling about 2025. I’m especially excited to ramp the podcast back up. Thank you so much to my beautiful and perfect paid subscribers for continuing to support Maybe Baby as I navigate these phases. You’re not just paying for the perks, you’re funding the free stuff too, and I’m so grateful you’re willing to do that.

A Maybe Baby New Year Sale

If you’re a free subscriber and ready for more, I’m running a New Year’s special for the next week—one year of Maybe Baby perks for $40 (that’s 20% off). You can also just sign up for the standard $5/month here. If you do, you’ll start receiving my recommendation list every Friday (kind of like my weekly personal blog), my monthly advice column (basically three essays in one) and podcast with my beloved co-host Daniel Nelson (girls, I regret to share he’s taken now!!! but feel free to keep shooting your shot hahaha), and other podcast eps too (on motherhood, pop culture, modern life, and more).

You’ll also gain access to my paid archive going back four+ years (that’s around 50 advice columns, 200 recommendations lists, and 160 podcast eps…if you’re a freak who loves a deep-dive), and gain the ability to comment, too. (After closing comments on free essays in 2021—too chaotic—I’ve come to really treasure the conversations that happen under paid content. I have the best commenters!) I know it can be hard to make the leap when you’re used to reading for free, so it means a lot when you do. And if now isn’t the time or Maybe Baby isn’t the place, I understand that, too. I’m happy you’re here either way.

Okay, that’s my spiel. I love you all! Thank you so much for reading my writing.

And happy new year!

Essays I published this year

Available for free, funded by paid subscribers

Existential

#172: Learning to live with your questions (instead of answering them)
#175: Forgetting your past is the price of being present
#179: What if the “routine” isn’t the best way to live?
#180: The limits of analyzing yourself
Discussion thread on what’s helped you through grief - 135 comments
#184: Going away is about coming home
#186: On a big life change and the writing change that followed
#190: Some problems aren’t ready to be solved
#194: Posting while grieving (or overthinking posting in general)*
#198: Slowness is not the enemy

Culture & style

#171: The enduring appeal of other people’s sweatshirts
#176: The perilous pursuit of personal style
#177: Making new friends as an adult (lots of readers connecting in the comments!)
#182: Reevaluating “using your platform,” from celebrity statements to campus protests
#187: How to stop envying everyone else and live your life*
#192: Annihilation of the selfie
#195: A social analysis of the Timothee Chalamet look-alike contest
#196: Moving beyond dread post-election (or generally in life)
#199: My favorite things of 2024

Parenting

My hello from maternity leave
#170: My first reflection on the early days of motherhood
#173: My birth story (partial paywall)
Discussion thread on breastfeeding (particularly weaning off of it) - 229 comments
#183: Reflecting on breastfeeding, from the end
#188: Lessons from babyworld*
#189: Childless vs child-free*
#193: Parenthood’s PR problem
#200: My postpartum oblivion

*Essay based on a question, also linked in next section for posterity

Questions I answered for Dear Baby

This column is for paid subs. Questions are paraphrased and bold ones are available to read for free. You can ask a question any time here or call 802-404-BABY.

Existential

“I’m 33, a woman, and live in NYC. Newly single. I want kids. Am I doomed?”
“Do you have any regrets? If so, what? And if not, why do you think that is?”
“I fail at everything I try to do and succeed at everything I don’t. Is trying the problem?”
“I hate my double chin and want to fix it with plastic surgery. What do you think?”
“I can’t stop envying other people. How can I find peace of mind?”

Love
(ed note: We answer wayyyy more love/sex/romance questions on the podcast!)

“People keep asking if my boyfriend and I are getting married and it’s driving me insane. Help!”
“Whenever my boyfriend and I fight, I doubt the relationship. How can I de-escalate this thinking?”
“My boyfriend doesn’t take an interest in my passions. Can I expect more?”

Parenting (or not)

“I’m the primary parent and house manager but I broke my foot and can’t walk. How do I manage this?”
“My sister-in-law is having a baby. Any advice for her, or for me?”
“I badly want a child but am terrified of having a high-needs kid. Does this mean I shouldn’t have one?”
“Can you talk about body image postpartum? I'm having a hard time and from the outside, you seem completely unaffected.”
“I can’t get pregnant. How do I make peace with the possibility of not being a mother?”
“I’m unexpectedly pregnant, keeping it, and freaking out. Will everything change? Will I be okay?”
“My sister hasn’t been around much since I had a baby. Is she in the wrong or am I expecting too much?”

Culture

“What are your thoughts on the Barbie movie?”
“Do you have a position on why people are so quick to self-identify as superfans?”
“I want to stop reading the horrible news. What responsibility do I have ‘stay informed’?”
“My dad just passed away and I’m weirdly preoccupied with posting about it. What should I do?”
“How can I better cultivate my personal style? Or should I stop trying?”
“I’ve gained success fairly quickly and people are coming out of the woodwork. How do I deal with this?”

Work (& writing)

“Give us a day in your life! How do you create space for work and thinking and art after having Sunny?” (ed note: I need to update this because it definitely didn’t stay this seamless! Will discuss in a podcast soon.)
“I chased a new ‘shiny’ job and now regret it. What should I do?”
“Do you ever think about jobs other than writing? What else might you explore in the future?”
“How do you incorporate so many other people’s ideas into your writing?”
“What’s your POV on the Substack discourse?”
“I feel like a failure for being lost and jobless, but I know I shouldn’t. How do I navigate this dissonance?”

Wildcard

“What does your EIC tattoo mean?”

My 15 favorite articles of 2024

All linked in my Friday recs

Culture

“The Problem With Work,” by Lily Sánchez for Current Affairs, a super satisfying overview of why our modern culture of work is flawed and inhumane, and why so many of us know this intuitively but may resist it intellectually (and, ultimately, an argument for the 32-hour work week).

“(but I'm only looking at you),” an essay by the critic BDM comparing Taylor Swift with Mima, the protagonist of the anime Perfect Blue, sent by a friend after I mentioned watching it. “Everybody knows that a performance is a performance, that an onstage smile is a mask. Harder to grasp that what’s under the mask is just another mask; that, for you, the person in the audience, it’s masks all the way down.”

“An Age of Hyperabundance,” a dark and funny feature by Laura Preston for N+1, about her attendance at the conversational AI conference. So many incredible (haunting, comical) exchanges documented here.

“Upon This Rock,” a long-read by John Jeremiah Sullivan for GQ from 2004, about his winding journey to the biggest Christian rock festival in America. Laughed out loud multiple times (I miss long-form journalism like this). Made me want to finally read Pulphead, his essay collection that I’ve owned for years.

“Things Have to Happen,” by Heather Parry for her newsletter, a great essay about a quality of storytelling that’s harder to locate in books and movies these days.

“Why Are Pants So Big (Again)?” by Jonah Weiner for The New York Times. Incredible! Such a fun read, phenomenal writing, although not sure I agree with the ending, which seemed a little rushed to me.

Existential

“Death of the Party,” by Raven Leilani for N+1, a moving essay about the lack of closure afforded by grief, and the complexity of going on—with life, with work, with art—in the midst of so much disorientation. I think a lot of the ideas apply beyond the most direct causes of grief.

This amazing 2021 interview with Maggie Nelson by Nelli Ruotsalainen for Tulva. I sent it to some friends who couldn’t stop replying with screenshots of particular lines they loved.

“Pick Me Up,” an essay about wanting to be lifted by Laura Bans for The Cut. This essay is so funny and pure—reminded me of old-school internet writing. Delightful top to bottom.

“Total Eclipse,” by Annie Dillard on the eclipse of 1979. So funny, astonishing, devastating, sweet. What an experience to read.

“For Better and Worse,” by Lynn Darling for Esquire, an amazing opus on marriage full of perfect lines. Published in 1996 and sent by my unmarried friend after we had a long talk about marriage.

Politics

“A Rupture in Time,” by Sarah Aziza for The Baffler, a stunning essay on the anniversary of October 7th, one of the best I’ve read on the genocide.

“Exit Right,” by Gabriel Winant for Dissent following Trump’s electoral victory. “The phenomenon that Trump represents can only be defeated when liberal institutionalists cease trying to quash the insurgent left in the name of protecting democracy, and instead look to it as an ally and a source of strength. This is not because the ideas of the left already represent a suppressed silent majority—a fantastical, self-flattering delusion—but because it is only the left that has a coherent vision to offer against the ideas of the right.”

“Are You Feeling It?” by Max Kiefel for The Baffler, a super satisfying unpacking of why the Democratic Party continues to misunderstand the common American experience, and why it’s too simple to place blame solely on obstructionists like Joe Manchin and Krysten Sinema.

“Beyond Grievance,” an essay written in 2022 by Jewish Currents editor-in-chief Arielle Angel, reshared by Angel late last year in the wake of the October 7th attacks. This piece floored me—I’ve never seen some of these ideas articulated so well. If you read it, make sure to go all the way through to the end.

All your recommendations of 2024

By paid subs, for paid subs

To buy

A yoga mat that doesn’t collect dust - 88 comments
Your favorite bedside lamp - 143 comments
Your favorite cotton underwear - 133 comments
Best moisturizer with a pump - 149 comments
Baby-friendly food storage - 106 comments
The perfect light, easy-to-use pan - 97 comments
The best meal kit service - 81 comments
Colorful, non-boring bedding - 90 comments
The perfect sweatshirt - 84 comments
The best rain boots - 73 comments
The perfect scrunchie - 88 comments
The best sweatpants - 77 comments

To watch

The perfect 30-minute show - 210 comments
Your favorite under-90-minute movies - 110 comments
Best Thanksgiving movie - 102 comments
Favorite movie of 2024 - 83 comments

To do

What makes your house smell really good - 126 comments
How you’re staying off your phone - 110 comments
Warm-weather dressing tips - 82 comments
Your favorite summer rituals - 135 comments
Tips for when you’re in a rut - 102 comments
How to enjoy the beach - 102 comments
How to meal-prep for lunch - 92 comments
Digitally scrapbooking your thoughts - 96 comments
The perfect fall to-dos - 79 comments
Favorite curated clothing retailers in New York - 52 comments
What to do with a bunch of apples - 74 comments
Favorite Thanksgiving recipes - 67 comments
Black Friday shopping strategies - 33 comments
How to get in the holiday spirit - 104 comments

To think about & appreciate

Discussion on the viral age-gap article on The Cut - 83 comments
Your favorite small, contemporary painters - 96 comments
Tell me about your flop era - 134 comments
Do you still take selfies? - 116 comments
How the first year of parenthood is different from the others - 116 comments
On feeling “settled” where you are (or not) - 130 comments
Thoughts on the Tiktok ban - 99 comments
Open call for reader rec requests - 167 comments

All the podcasts this year

For paid subs only, bolded ones are available for free

Solo, friend, & interview episodes

Baby gossip: A conversation with Harling & Crystal (part 1) & (part 2) (free preview available)
Expectations vs. reality: Baby edition
Baby daddy check-in
Once again: Taylor Swift (discussing the Eras Tour)
What’s the point of a good outfit?
Analyzing my hormonal depression
Fears & dreams with Cat Cohen
Fame & fictions with Tavi Gevinson
Reflecting on a crazy week of my life
Danny goes to Hawaii

Dear Danny (advice podcast)

You can ask a question any time here or call 802-404-BABY

Dear Danny: I’ve got the 7-year itch
Navigating the 7-year itch, coping with forgotten birthdays, the importance of forgiving after betrayal (or not), moving to New York (or not), dealing with a post-wedding depression, and what to do when you learn your partner cheated two years ago.

Dear Danny: Is my friend in the wrong?
Some small-town yoga drama, a pathologically lying mother, a moral quandary concerning an alcoholic ex, meeting someone after 30 and whether you should care how they dress, a dramatic friend breakup, and finally a question concerning pee.

Dear Danny: My boyfriend got a windfall
An unexpected windfall, etiquette around ugly gifts as well as nudes (two separate questions), what to do about a partner who can’t let go of your ex, a situationship gone on too long, and an unusual ick.

Dear Danny: Should I end my relationship? (free preview available)
An anxious husband, a bad kisser, a two-year breakup pattern, a move-in crisis, a narcissistic brother, a boring relationship, and the mystery of love.

Dear Danny: Can I innocently cheat? (free preview available)
“Innocent” cheating, a boyfriend with a coke habit, a clingy coworker, a 12-year relationship that’s never felt exactly right, a friends-to-lovers arc, three separate questions on sex-troubled relationships, and a regretful ex-boyfriend.

Dear Danny: Can I tell my friend to leave her husband?
Confessing a crush to someone when you’re in a relationship, starting a new relationship when you’re not over your ex, telling your friend to leave her husband, long series of short relationships, dreading your friends becoming parents.

Dear Danny: The in-law episode (free preview available)
PMS-inspired fights, difficult in-laws, depression in the morning, an extremely sweet boyfriend with tons of red flags, a microaggression from grandpa, and the consequences of snooping.

Dear Danny: Decoding the love-bomber (free preview available)
The ethical boundaries of “boys night,” who should foot the bill, the complexities of addiction inside a relationship, the reason men love-bomb (from a love-bomber himself), falling for a romance scam, and a bachelor trip gone wrong.

Dear Danny: Sperm dilemma, engagement panic, & more (part 1), Dear Danny: Should I regret moving in with my boyfriend?
A sperm donor drama, a panic-inducing engagement, weathering different kid timelines with a partner, a pesky neighbor, a move-in gone wrong, and a breakup that’s spinning out.

Thank you again for reading, listening, and commenting this year. I’m grateful for this job every day.

Love,
Haley