#169: Goodbye for a little!
#169: Goodbye for a little!
& a 2023 roundup
Good morning!
This will be my last newsletter for a while. The baby’s due in less than two weeks, but she could come sooner, and we still have to finish her room and wash all her clothes and sterilize all her bottles (apparently a thing). I also need to roll around my apartment and feel emotional about approaching the most significant leap I’ll ever take. I think these have felt like the longest months of my life, but somehow I can’t believe they’re over.
Regarding my maternity leave
After the baby’s born, and barring any unforeseen developments, I’m planning to pause production of Maybe Baby for three-ish months. This brings me to the end of Feb—essentially a winter hiatus. Since this is my full-time job, I carefully considered how to approach this leave, and with the generous vocal support of many subscribers, I’ve decided to leave subscription payments on during my time away. In doing that, I know I’m asking my paying subscribers to consider paid maternity leave a part of the overall project of Maybe Baby, the same way they already support many aspects of the work beyond paywalled content (like all my free essays, my editor, my healthcare, etc.). If you’re aligned with that philosophically, I appreciate your support so, so much, and I hope you’ll feel it’s worth it long-term! If you aren’t or can’t afford to continue paying during this time, I completely understand, and you can manage your subscription type here (i.e. pause paying until I’m back). I know the monthly payments mean something different to everyone, so please do what feels best.
Archival digging
While I won’t be producing new content for a bit, the archive will remain!! In that vein, and since this wraps my newsletter for 2023, I wanted to round up everything I’ve published this year in case you want to check out anything you missed while I’m gone. The list below includes essay topics I’ve covered, every question I’ve answered for Dear Baby, all of your recs of the week, and all my podcast eps since January. This is a lot of content, lol, but I think it’s useful to organize it all sometimes because it can be hard to find anything in the archive! (I did this last year for questions and recs.) I’ve done my best to separate everything by topic so it’s easier to sniff out any specific content you’re looking for.
And since I’m being told this list it too long for email, I’m going to say bye first! Thank you so much for subscribing to Maybe Baby. As much as I’m looking forward to meeting my literal baby, I know I’ll be excited to come back to this work next year, and I’m forever grateful (and lucky) for all your sweet support that makes that both possible and true.
I’ll see you on the other side! A preemptive happy holidays, too!!
Haley
Essays (31)
(All available to read for free )
Navigating modern life
#131: On the so-called friend recession (includes over 1700 comments by readers in different cities around the world planning meet-ups!)
#134: On the value of loose (versus disciplined) commitments
#135: On the boring romanticization of being anti-social
#136: On leaving (and finding) secret notes (kicked off a secret note chain you can still find in the Barbican Library!)
#142: On the upside of embarrassing yourself
#143: On loving annoying people, the phrase “aging gracefully,” and the limits of self-awareness
#151: On finding the “right” motive to get something done
#153: On rethinking weekend plans (and romanticizing errands)
#155: On the power (and risks) of delusional self-mythology
#161: On the trap of “good enough” (or why being worse off can make you better off)
#164: On “self-care” and the secret to doing it well that no one talks about
#165: On coming back around to fashion
#166: On the upside of aging out of the zeitgeist
Life in beautiful America! (i.e. criticism)
#130: On the indignities of American air travel
#132: On movies looking like shit these days
#138: On why I’m not worried about AI writing
#140: On art that panders, ft. Everything, Everywhere, All at Once
#144: On why it will never work to “leave celebrities alone”
#146: On the existential threat of digital photography
#148: On the problem with constantly listening to music
#154: On the modern symbiosis of HBO’s The Idol and And Just Like That
#158: On whether we actually “live in hell”
#162: On the labor strikes and the expression “can’t knock the hustle”
Pregnancy, etc
#129: On trying to get pregnant
#147: On my inner conflict around wanting kids
#150: Pregnant
#160: On the limits of preparation (for new life or for death)
#167: Some final words before I give birth
Miscellaneous
#139: On Flaco, the owl who escaped the Central Park Zoo
#156: The best things I’ve bought this year
A bug update (includes 250+ comforting comments on losing a pet)
Dear Baby questions answered (29)
(Paid subs only unless marked “free”!)
Love, sex, & relationships
“How do I know if a gut feeling about my relationship is a good instinct or self-sabotage?” (Free)
“How do I fight my fatphobia in my relationship?”
“Words of advice for someone who’s been dumped and doesn’t get it?”
“Does it mean I’m not queer if I lose interest in women after sex?” (Free)
“How much fighting in a relationship is a normal amount?”
“Is fully splitting domestic duties with a partner actually realistic or possible?”
“What does it feel like to be in love?”
“How do I deal with my moody partner?” (Free)
“How can I gently criticize my sensitive partner?”
Growing pains
“Will moving home for a while help me ‘reset’ or set me back?”
“When is the right time to give up on a dream?” (Free)
“How old is too old, realistically, to change your whole life? (I’m 36)”
“How do I balance my own needs with caring for my aging mother?” (Free)
“What do I do about my desires diverging from my moral scruples?”
“How do I balance disciplining myself and enjoying my life?” (Free)
“How important is it for me to be single for a while?”
“How do I stop questioning if I left a good thing behind?”
“My health demands I have kids in the next year if I want them, what to do?” (Free)
Work
“How do I stop feeling guilty as a working parent?” (Free)
“How do I deal with my boyfriend not being ambitious and also judging my ambition?”
“Will a braindead job make me happier?” (Free)
“Why does it feel like I have to choose between doing meaningful work and having a fun life?”
Friendship
“Is it weird for me to pursue a friendship with someone semi-famous?”
“As a 30+ single person, how do I deal with plus-ones suddenly always being around?”
“Is it fair that my friends with kids assume I’ll adhere to their schedule?” (Free)
Direct questions (to me!)
“What does it feel like to be off Instagram?”
“How do you maintain resolve in your writing knowing you may change your mind?”
“What are your thoughts on the writer-influencer and the improbability of developing an audience without social media?”
“How have you been navigating the tense political discourse lately?”
Recs-of-the-week (37)
(Paid subs only—recs are found in the comment sections!)
To buy
The perfect turtleneck
The best XL tote bags
Where to buy art prints online
Where to buy frames online
Kitchen storage revelations + kitchen organizing accessories
The best bedding for hot summer sleeping
The perfect white t-shirt
The best way to store dry goods (and open bags)
Actually nice-looking curtain ideas
Best Etsy shops to follow
Best foldable chair
The best gifts you’ve received or given
To do
Things to do alone in London
Things to do in Amsterdam
Quintessential spring activities
The best off-the-wall conversation-starters
The best working cafes in New York
Bougie healthcare suggestions for once you hit your deductible (lol)
Tips for painting a room
Suggestions for what to do before the baby comes
To eat
The best veggie sides (to bring to a party)
Creative breakfast ideas
The best frozen treats (for your home freezer)
The best chocolate chip cookie recipe
The best leftover-producing dinner recipes
To ponder
Your 2023 resolutions
The most useful habit you’ve developed
Autumnal dressing inspiration
To check out
The best podcasts
The best documentaries
The best 90s movies to rewatch
Great non-fiction that explores gender
Maybe Baby readers share their work
The best audiobooks
The best music to listen to during fall
The best movies for October viewing
Podcasts & other Tuesday posts (38)
(Paid subs only unless marked “Free”!)
Solo eps
A big Q&A about trying to get pregnant (Free)
12 tips for better friendships
On the difference between good and bad conversation
Learning lessons in London
10 takeaways from my 10-day trip
Time-management doesn’t equal productivity
Not optimism, not pessimism, but a third thing
A different way to think about change (other than it being “scary”)
Lessons from caring for a dying pet (including the good parts)
Unpacking the morality of the influencer (Free)
What I learned the year I was 33
On my summer slump
5 things I’ve changed my mind about
On being annoying
Guest eps
Pop culture roundup with my siblings + Avi
The weirdness of trying to get pregnant, with Harling Ross
Living in the feedback loop, with Cat Cohen
A big pregnancy Q&A, with Avi
Reframing infertility, with Dr. Janet Jaffe
Celebrity welfare check, with Avi and Harling
The “kid divide” among friends, with Michelle
Final pregnancy Q&A, with Avi
Advice podcast (click in to see actual topics covered in each ep—too many to list!)
Dear Danny: Is it gross to take baths in hotels?
Dear Danny: How soon is too soon post-breakup?
Dear Danny: I prefer my crush to my husband
Dear Danny: I don’t find my boyfriend funny
Dear Danny: People are gossiping about me!!!
Dear Danny: I’m overanalyzing my boyfriend
Dear Danny: Should I move to the sea?
Dear Danny: Am I allowed to want abs?
Dear Danny: Should I tell my sister about her bio dad?
Dear Danny: My friends’ open relationship has gone awry!
Non-podcast Tuesday newsletters
A tip that’s changed how I shop
Tips for cleaning out your closet (after I got rid of half my clothes)
VLOG: Fixing my pants
Let’s discuss the “Aged” filter
I made a documentary dossier
Tips (and product recs!) from my organizing bender
See you next year!